Roger M. Wilcox's stories
Roger M. Wilcox's really old stories
Written by hand in pencil
- The F-114 was the 1st story I wrote as a 5th grade
generative writing assignment. Plot: I wish real hard, and the arcade game I'm
sitting in becomes real. I wish myself back, though, when I find myself leaving
Earth and running out of story ideas.
- The Six Millionth Dollar Man was the 2nd
story I wrote as a 5th grade generative writing assignment. Plot: Steve Ocran.
Astronaut. A man barely alive. We rebuild him with a budget of 1/6,000,000th of
a dollar. Then he dies before he can have any adventures.
- Creatures That Live in the Sun was the
3rd story I wrote as a 5th grade generative writing assignment. Plot: I fly a
rocket to the sun and meet a friendly space alien there, who follows me back
to Earth in his own spaceship. Faced with the unprecedented opportunity of
first contact with an extraterrestrial intelligence, we make small-talk with
him for a few minutes. Then he leaves.
- The Man with the Incredible Mind was the
4th, and final, story I wrote as a 5th grade generative writing assignment.
Plot: A man gains psychic powers. Then I drop the pretense and say that the
"man" was me. I see aliens landing on Earth, who plan to take over the bodies
of eighteen million people. Fortunately, they share the same vulnerability as
the Wicked Witch of the West, making it easy for me to telekinetically wipe
them out with a fire hydrant. Then I go home for dinner, and lose my powers the
Written on my mom's old mechanical typewriter
- Apt. 2-B was the first story I ever wrote on a
typewriter. I was only 9 years old at the time, and boy does it ever
show. Plot: I explore an old house that must have been built by Rube Goldberg,
which contains a passage to China, two spacecraft, a time machine, and various
- The Whitemail Machine was the second story I
ever wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. The title came about because of a
book we were reading in class called The Blackmail Machine, combined
with the fact that I hadn't a clue what "blackmail" meant. Plot: I build a
helicopter out of a rainbarrel, explore the country in it, enforce Smokey
Bear's edict against forest fires, and catch a bank robber in a
Scooby-Doo-esque trap. (Many, many years after I wrote this, I began
writing a re-telling of parts of 2 chapters from
the viewpoint of another character.)
- Power is More than One! was the
third story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. It was also one of my
shortest. Plot: I form a gang to beat up a tough thief.
- The Tree That Blasted Off was the
fourth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. I got the idea from a
story my dad wrote, which had talking, angst-ridden trees in it. Plot: A tree
chats with a Martian.
- The Egg With the Enormouse Size
[sic] was the fifth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. Plot:
Hen lays an egg that hatches into a giant pterodactyl.
- And Weve Got the Bird [sic] was the
sixth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. Plot: I raise a condor with
an extra pair of arms, then run away from home.
- The Shrinking & Enlarging Machine
was the seventh story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. Plot: I build a
clock that affects the fundamental interatomic forces of matter, and use it to
make root beer.
- Johnnys Amazing Wether Machine
[sic] was the eighth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. Plot:
I build a machine that controls the weather, and it accidentally creates a
substance called "sodium M-Y1" that contains no actual sodium and which
massively enlarges anything it touches. This makes everyone ignore the whole
weather-control thing. Also, I cause a worldwide sugar shortage, and it takes
forever for anyone to think of using sodium M-Y1 to enlarge sugar.
- 2005: a space oddyssey [sic] was the ninth
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. For a while, it held my record
for the longest story I'd written, at a whopping five (5) single-spaced
typewritten pages. Plot: Space block teaches our ape ancestors to kill, then
shows up again to the Neanderthals and tells them, hey, you're still allowed
to eat plants too, guys. Then in
space block shows up on the moon and orders us to explore Mars and Saturn. We
take along a bionic man whose bionic parts don't work in space. We set up a
long-range teleporter on Mars, and meet the Martians, who had nothing to do
with the space block. Then on the trip to Saturn the space ship's computer
malfunctions and kills almost all the crew. I confuse Heywood Floyd with Dave
Bowman and confuse the number of moons a planet has with the
strength of those moons' tidal influence, and leap to strange
conclusions about time dilation during faster-than-light travel. Then, space
- Yellow Planet: a man from planet Venus
was the tenth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 9. Plot: A Venusian
crash-lands on Earth and plays tennis with the Six Million Dollar Man.
- By the Rings of Saturn! was the eleventh story I
wrote on a typewriter, at age 10. Plot: In the distant future year of 1987,
humanity receives a radio broadcast from Saturn. Astronauts investigate, and
discover a thriving civilization on one of Saturn's moons. So, we blow it up.
- The Hyper-Space Dimension was the twelfth
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 10. Plot: I accidentally build a
dimensional conveyance, and see lots of pretty colors; however, I am snatched
back to the third dimension before I can get my eighth-dimensional driver's
- The Big Fight was the next thing I wrote on a
typewriter, at age 11. I hesitate to call it a "story." Plot: I get in a fight.
Many Batman-esque comic book sound effects ensue.
- Super Chicken & the Tallest Man in the
World was the thirteenth story I wrote on a typewriter, at age 12. This
represented an unprecedented 2-year hiatus in my oevre. Plot: Super Chicken
fights a 36-foot-tall truck driver wearing a stovepipe hat as tall as himself.
Heaven knows how tall his truck was.
- A Runner from Tunnel City was the fourteenth
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 12. This was, thankfully, the only
story I tried to type on both sides of the paper. Plot:
Logan's Run (the movie) with the cops
from THX-1138, with a method of execution inspired by the ads for a
movie called Stunts. Also, space maze.
- Windboy was the fifteenth story I wrote on a
typewriter, also at age 12. Plot: Two counterrotating hurricanes collide,
breaking the time barrier and summoning a super hero who utterly fails to do
anything super or heroic.
- The Green Planet, when a plain old yellow
planet just won't do. It was the sixeenth story I wrote on a typewriter, also
at age 12. Plot: Recent college grad invents time machine that sends him to
Mars two million years in the past. He converses with a lithium-winged Martian,
and suddenly shifts into a first-person narrative. Then, as with all my stories
at the time, something blows up because I couldn't figure out how to end the
Written on my dad's old mechanical typewriter
- The Debbi Daly Look-Alike Contest was the
seventeenth story I wrote on a typewriter, at age 13. Plot: Bitter 8th grade
me blames Debbi Daly for everything wrong in his life, and takes revenge by
dressing up to look like her and sing her song. Despite reading like a teenage
self-insertion fanfic of Glee, it actually represents a watershed in my
writing — it's the first work I wrote that was genuinely intended for
others to read.
- TIE Fighter Pilot was the eighteenth story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 13. Plot: Abandoned tie fighter (one of the
Imperial fighters from the early Star Wars movies) is found by a
bungling native who ends up saving the Rebellion. Sort of. Hilarity tries to
ensue. The next year, I revised
- The Death of Roger M. Wilcox was the
ninteenth story I wrote on a typewriter, at age 14. Plot: I die in a way that's
never explained, except I'm not dead. Then I chase some bad guys whose M.O. is
also never explained.
- Light Acceleration was the twentieth
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. Plot: Once again, I become an
accidental inventor, this time of a beam that inflicts gratuitous amounts of
special relativity on its target. I plan a meeting with, apparently, the entire
United States Air Force, who are fooled by a thief until I show them my I.D..
Plus, light speed warp.
- The Brooks Syndrome was the twenty-first story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. Plot: My classmate Brooks Pickering
turns out to be from an evil galaxy-spanning race of aliens. So, I use a yellow
blazer as a weapon.
- Cubit Zirconia [sic] was the
twenty-second story I wrote on a typewriter, less than a week after The
Brooks Syndrome. It was the, ahem, long-awaited sequel to that story. Plot:
I invade the home planet of the shape-shifting aliens and begin wantonly
killing the natives. But it's okay, 'cause I'm the good guy. In the ensuing
battle, you can practically hear the 20-sided dice rolling.
- Tidal Wave was the twenty-third story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. Plot: A shipping accident sends a
200-foot-high combustible tsunami toward Santa Monica beach, and only a giant
network of freezers can save us. Hilarity ensues.
- The Magic War was the twenty-fourth story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. It has the dubious distinction of being
the first story I actually typed double-spaced. Plot: AD&D characters roll dice
at each other. Hilarity tries to ensue.
- Godzilla and the Negative Fleet was the
twenty-fifth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. It was 6 pages
long, beating out 2005: A Space Oddyssey [sic] by one page; but as the
latter was single-spaced and this newer story was double-spaced, it still
didn't break my record for longest story. Plot: The Smith powers attack
Zirconia, but are beaten back; the Zirconians then come to Earth and
mind-control Japan's national mascot in an attempt to wipe out the Smiths. Many
1st Edition AD&D psionic strength points are expended.
- Predictions for 2076 was the
twenty-sixth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. This was the only
one of these stories that was originally written as a class assignment,
not on a typewriter. Plot: I'm sent forward in time to 2076, where
computers hold all the newscasting jobs and people still watch televisions
through department store windows and have to look things up in books.
- The Vial of Doom was the
twenty-seventh story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 14. It shattered my
previous record for longest story written. It's also significant in that I
turned it into a text adventure game on the TRS-80. The
influences on this story included the following:
- The vial itself was inspired by the movie Laserblast, in which the
power source for the alien zap-rifle was a small glass vial on a chain that
the hero wore around his neck. Sometimes it twinkled, and sometimes it made him
go berserk and changed the color of his irises.
- The progression from twinkling, to glowing, to shining brightly came from
The Dark is Rising.
- The personifications of Law and Chaos were inspired by the works of
- The mummy and basilisk were based on the listings for these creatures in
the 1st Edition AD&D Monster Manual.
- The ingredients for the vial's destruction were inspired by the 1st
Edition AD&D Dungeon Master's Guide, in its suggestions for making
the expensive ink necessary to write magic scrolls.
- Tubolution was the twenty-ninth story I wrote
on a typewriter, at age 15. (The 28th was
which is archived on my Screenplays page.) Plot: My brother, who apparently
paid me to write a story about his awesome surfing skills, "shoots the tube" of
an incredibly long wave, which deposits him on an alternate Earth with a red
sky and humanoid blobs that try to kill him. He uses his awesome surfing skills
- Tie Fighter Pilot revised was the
thirtieth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. It was a rewrite of
the Tie Fighter Pilot story I'd written
the previous year. In fact, this represents the first time I'd ever gone
back and revised a story I'd written earlier. Not that there was really all
that much improvement.
- Messiah to Super-Human was the thirty-first
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. Less than a year later, I
attempted to rewrite it as a novel, but I
never even made it all the way through the back story. Plot: Social pariah John
Reekor inherits a mind-amplifying device from a dead psychic, and uses it to
fight for truth, justice, and the American way. Plus, space cube.
- The Pentagon War was the thirty-second
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. Plot: Centuries from now,
humans and space aliens from Alpha Centauri create "hyperlinks" between their
five solar systems, then decide to have a war. Then the ghosts of a long-dead
alien species from "Epsilon Urandi" contact our heroes and tell them they have
to save the universe. I've toyed off-and-on
with the idea of turning this 40-page novelette into a novel ever since.
This novelization has never been completed, but I did come up with some rather
long-winded sketches as to the future-history, the aliens, etc., which I've
compiled in The Future History of the
Pentagon War Universe. WARNING: This article was not intended for
publication, and contains major SPOILERS for
The Pentagon War novel, if I
ever get around to finishing it.
- Shark! was the thirty-third story I wrote on a
typewriter, also at age 15. Plot: Killer shark defies the laws of physics to
terrorize people. Hilarity ensues.
- Godzilla Versus Monster Q was the
thirty-fourth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. Plot: Badly-dubbed
Japanese astronauts lead a Kaiju to Earth, and only Japan's national mascot can
save us. Well, him and the giant robot from Voyage Into Space. Strained
- Launch of the Civic was the thirty-fifth story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. Plot: The Santa Monica Civic Auditorium,
when viewed from the side, looks like there's a flying saucer encased inside
it. Maybe there really is!
- Shōgun Sushiburger was the thirty-sixth
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. Plot: Your basic chop-socky
martial arts movie happens. Then Flash Gordon shows up. Hilarity ensues.
- Premature Nova was the thirty-seventh
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 15. It was the last story I could
fit in my "Bumblings of a Cosmic Rut" 3-ring binder. It was also the very first
story I typed that used right margins — which I introduced about 2/3 of
the way through. Plot: The sun looks like it's expanding, but no one but me
seems to care, thus proving how much better I am than everybody else. To escape
the soon-to-swallow-the-Earth sun, I hitch a ride on an interplanetary "space
shuttle" bound for the asteroid belt, and forget my space suit. I spend the
entire trip trying to survive, because the astronauts manning the shuttle are
callous losers who don't care about a precious little flower like me. Can you
tell I was a teenager when I wrote this?
- The Sphere was the thirty-eighth story I wrote on
a typewriter, at age 16. It was the first story I put in my
brand-new-at-the-time "Advanced Bumblings" binder. Plot: Remember how, in
Abbot's Flatland, a sphere passed through A. Square's two-dimensional
universe, and A. Square could only see a 2-D slice of it at a time? Well, what
would happen if you added a dimension? And had it happen in a universe where
it made sense to talk about an absolute frame of reference? With aliens that
looked and acted almost exactly like people, but weren't? And had names like
- A Concept wasn't a story at all, but a
diatribe about the evils of religion. It was riddled with inaccurate, made-up
details about the history of religion and the history of atheism. No date
appears on it, so I can't tell when I wrote it, only that it was prior to our
acquisition of an electric typewriter in 1982. I didn't include it in my
"Advanced Bumblings" binder because, hey, it wasn't a story.
Written on the electric typewriter we got in 1982
- Creatures that Live in the Sun was the
thirty-ninth story I wrote on a typewriter, at age 16. It was the first story I
wrote on the new electric typewriter my dad got for the household, to
replace our aging mechanical typewriters. Plot: The TRS-80
adventure game of the same name comes to life! Adventure! Mystery! Chills!
Thrills! Frills! A guy walking around on the surface of the sun! Space snakes!
Space piggies! What more could you ask for? Later that same year, I
- Every Fifth Attack Wave was the fortieth story
I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 16. Plot: The arcade video game
Defender. Then, the arcade video game Stargate. Really. That's
- New Star was the forty-first story I wrote on a
typewriter, also at age 16. Later that same year, or perhaps the following
year, I rewrote it. Plot: Humanity turns
Jupiter into a star, but somebody didn't get out of the way in time.
- My Mission Is to Infiltrate was the
forty-second story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 16. Plot: The arcade
video game Scramble. With a few made-up planet names. That's about it.
- The Liberty Man was the forty-fourth story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 16. (The 43rd was
Star Trek: Not of
Matter, which is archived on my Screenplays page.) Plot: As in
A Runner from Tunnel City before it,
humanity lives in a dystopian future where life must end at age 35. But this
time, one man implants a crystal in his forehead that gives him superhuman
agility, stamina, and (sometimes) intellect. A big chase ensues.
- Medieval Space Warrior was the
forty-fifth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 16. Plot: The
TRS-80 adventure game of the same name comes to life!
Adventure! Mystery! Chills! Thrills! Frills! Indestructible computer-generated
space ships! Overly long sentences! What more could you ask for?
- Night of the Greatest Dawn was the
forty-seventh story I wrote on a typewriter, at age 17. (The 46th was a
sequel, which is archived on my Screenplays page.) Plot: Big blinding white
light engulfs the whole world for 7 minutes. Many generic people have generic
reactions to it. Then we learn that it was the light from a second Big Bang,
happening inside our own universe, and that it would have been much much worse
had space aliens not shielded our galaxy.
- Tracer was the forty-eighth story I wrote on
a typewriter, also at age 17. It was the origin story and first major encounter
of the fourth Champions
character I ever created. Three years later, I
- Bicycle! was the fiftieth story I wrote on a
typewriter, also at age 17. (The 49th was Star Trick: The Ion Tempest,
a later rewrite of which can be found
here.) Bicycle! was the first story I put in my
brand-new-at-the-time "Further Advanced Bumblings" binder. Plot: 31-passenger
bicycle tries to complete a cross-country ride, while the Exxon corporation
(and its cartoon tiger) attempts to sabotage it. Hilarity ensues.
- Creatures that Live in the Sun was the
fifty-first story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 17. It was a rewrite of
the story of the same name from earlier that
- Teleporter was the fifty-second story I
wrote on a typewriter, also at age 17. Plot: In The Future™, space ships
and psychic powers are everywhere. But when a breeding program produced a man
with the power to teleport, he went crazy and escaped. You can probably guess
how he escaped. Later, I rewrote this story on a
word processor. (In the process, I changed the ending, though.)
- Stop the Flow of Time was the fifty-third
story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 17. It was inspired by an
unbelievably stupid Deus-ex-machina from the movie Starcrash. Plot: A
space ship, under attack by moustache-twirling card-carrying villain space
ships, discovers a button on its control panel labeled "Stop the flow of time."
Strained hilarity ensues. You can tell I'd read The Hitchhiker's Guide to
the Galaxy for the first time shortly before writing this. The next year,
I transcribed and rewrote it on a word processor.
- The Misguidance of Forces Redirected was the
fifty-fourth story I wrote on a typewriter, also at age 17. This story was
originally written as an assignment for my 12th grade English class. It was
also the last story I wrote on a typewriter, because later that same
year we got WordStar for the IBM PC and a daisy-wheel printer, and I never
looked back. Sic transit gloria mundi.
Plot: In the distant future on a human-occupied world, a lone psychic battles
for his life against high-tech meanies who hate Nature for some reason.
Roger M. Wilcox's old (but not really old) stories
Written in actual word processing software
- Gaea's Rising is a novelette I wrote during my
Glory Days as a graduate student, based on a dream I had that featured the word
"Swazibots" and a small robotic unicorn. For the morbidly curious among
you who've ever played the Champions® role-playing game, the
main character's capabilities and weaknesses are also written up in
Unic's character sheet for 5th Edition HERO
- Several of my old stories are about characters I or my friends created
in the Champions® super-hero role playing game. These include:
- Tracer: I created the character in 1981, wrote
the novelette in 1982, and rewrote it in 1985. I liked the character so
much, I now use the name "tracer" as my favorite on-line nickname. See
also Tracer's character sheet for 5th
Edition HERO System™ (Champions®).
- Infra Man!: I created the character way
back in my youth (1973 or thereabouts), and wrote this tongue-in-cheek
novelette in 1984. The names "Mor Pay" and "Law Rox" that appear briefly
in this story are inside references to characters created by Ramin
Shokrizade. See also Infra
Man's character sheet and Infra Boy's
- Mauler was a novelette I wrote in 1983, featuring
3 characters (Mauler, Brick One, and The Scientist) created by Michael
Gersten. See also Mauler's
- Brick One!, written in 1986, overlapped with
Mauler. The name Brick One came from the fact that he was the
first "brick" type Champions® character Michael Gersten had
created. I was inspired to write this story for Michael Gersten's
birthday, based on his brief origin story for this character: "He just woke up
one morning, and he was a brick. And he didn't remember how he got that
way." See also Brick One's
- The Blue Avenger was a novelette I wrote in
1986, which overlapped with Brick One. Blue Shooter was Michael's
character; Foxbow was my own parody of the classic Champions®
villain Foxbat. See also Blue
Shooter's character sheet.
- Buccaneer! was a novelette I wrote in
1984, featuring a character created by Todd Williams, which in turn was based
on the ludicrous contention by Ramin Shokrizade that a photon torpedo only does
as much damage as 25 sword hacks. The story is a tongue-in-cheek
mish-mosh of Star Trek and Inspector Gadget. The fight
scenes, on the other hand, are a mish-mosh of Champions® and Star
- Starlane Destroyer was a novelette I started
writing in 1985. It is not finished yet, but may be soon.
Set in the far future, it features a man trapped in a metal body
against his will, forced to commit acts of war by his cruel government. Plus,
he's got a really neat alien club. See also
the Starlane Destroyer's
- Life and Devices was a novelette I started
writing in 1983. It is not finished and, at this rate, probably never
will be. It features two superhero characters of mine,
Ice Maker and
- The League of 250 Point Characters, started in
1987, was just what its name implied. It is not finished and, at this
rate, probably never will be. It answers the immortal question, "What if all
these standard 100 point Champions characters suddenly got an extra 150 points
to spend?" It features Havok 250,
The Scientist 250,
Brick One 250,
Blue Shooter 250,
Wake, and a cameo appearance by
Infra Man. They fight against
the evil forces of Laser and
- Areopagiticon was a novelette I started
writing in 1985. It is not finished and, at this rate, probably never
will be. Set on a future Earth where the United Constitutional Government rules
with an iron fist, and a small but well-armed group of rebels in powered
armor fights to overthrow them. See also
the character sheet for
a typical "human tank" infantryperson from this story.
It's Going to be a Rylon Night is a story I
wrote in 1985, inspired by some characters in a Rolemaster campaign I
played in. (Rolemaster is a fantasy role-playing game, whose
monetary system includes tin pieces.)
The Mightiest Man on Earth, written in 1984,
is the very short story (only 1308 words long) of a man in powered armor.
Flyers Live Free was written in 1983, back when
I still believed in orgone energy.
Laser Pack, written in 1983, is a short story
exploring the age-old theme of the Problem of Evil, and the cold injustice of
the universe. (And lasers! Pew pew pew!) The centerpiece "macguffin" of the
story was inspired by the laser packs you could mount on fighters starting at
Tech Level 9 in Starfire II.
Teleporter was a 1989 revision of a 1987
rewrite of a 1983 short story. You can
probably guess what the central figure's superpower is.
Stop the Flow of Time, written in 1983 or 1984,
is a short-short story transcribed (and cleaned up a bit) from the typewritten story of the same name. I
submitted this to UCLA's on-campus humor magazine Satyr, but they
rejected it. I can't for the life of me imagine why. <whistles
ICEMAN!!, written in 1983, is my own twist
on a day in the life of everybody's favorite former X-Men character,
ICEMAN!! (The idea came to me from an episode of Spider-Man and His
Amazing Friends, in which two kids had some super-hero trading cards
autographed by the heroes themselves. One said, "I'll trade you seven
Icemans for one Captain America." Bobby Drake don't get no respect!)
The Liberty Man (rewrite) was an aborted
attempt to rewrite my 1982 story of the same name.
I've lost track of the date this rewrite project began; all I can say for sure
is that it happened some time before 31-May-1989. It is not finished
and, at this rate, probably never will be.
Cretaceous Park (for want of a better title)
is a novelette I started writing in 1993. It is not finished and,
at this rate, probably never will be. It seeks to answer the question,
"What if humans weren't the first technological species to evolve on the
The Registry is a story I started writing in
1993 or 1994. It is not finished and, at this rate, probably never
will be. In the wake of the Anita Hill scandal, the whole business world
seemed to go into lockdown mode, overreacting to even the mildest hint
of possible sexual harassment out of fear of crippling lawsuits and PR
fiascos. I was chock full of bitterness when I wrote this; the scenario
it paints comes across like some paranoid fantasy from Fox News.
Borf! is one of the strangest things I've ever
written. It's a script, or at least a treatment, for a sequel to the old
laserdisc video game Space Ace.
Ode to Pizza is just what its title
suggests. I guess it really doesn't belong on a webpage called "old
stories," but I don't have a webpage called "old poetry."
Continuing Stories, collaborately written on BBSes
- The Incredible Hero! is actually not just my
story; it was a collaborative "continuing story" on Michael Gersten's old
Serial Tree Board from the early 1980s, where anyone who wanted to could post
another chapter or paragraph. It's based loosely on Todd Williams'
Champions® character The Incredible Hero. There are a lot of
in-jokes laced throughout this oevre, centering around the local dial-up BBSses
operating in the West Los Angeles area at the time.
- Dan Justice and the Sword of Clay!, like
The Incredible Hero!, is a continuing story that was posted to Michael
Gersten's old Serial Tree Board in 1985. It came from the notion of the
para-elemental planes — if there's a plane that combines the Elemental
Plane of Earth and the Elemental Plane of Water, surely it must be the
Elemental Plane of mud! Most of the posts (or "moves") in this story were made
by me (under several sock-puppet aliases), with substantial contributions by
Michael Gersten and Todd Williams.
- Neutron Star & White Dwarf, like The
Incredible Hero!, is a continuing story that was posted to Michael
Gersten's old Serial Tree Board in 1987. It's based on two of my
Champions® characters, one of whom was as dense as a white dwarf (a
ton to the teaspoon), the other of whom could vary his density anywhere from
that of a normal human all the way up to that of a neutron star (a
billion tons to the teaspoon). Most of the posts in this story were made
by me (under several sock-puppet aliases), and the second-most of the posts
were made by Michael Gersten.
- The Sanders Group was a continuing story extolling the exploits of my
single-purpose Champions characters. They were
called the Sanders Group because of the slogan for Kentucky Fried Chicken in the
1980s: "We do one thing, and we do it right!". Sadly, this continuing story was
not preserved and has been lost. From my own dim memory of this story, the stuff
that happened in it included:
- The Sanders Group fight the X-Men for some reason.
- Computer Programming Man defeats Storm by hacking the sky with a skywrench
("LINE FEED ERROR IN 1730. CAN'T COMPLY.").
- An anthropomorphic dog named Dogma mind-controls a whole bunch of chanting
monks. Someone comments that, as mindless disciples of Dogma's church, they're
now just a bunch of eunuchs. Computer Programming Man (CP/M for short) replies,
"Did you say UNIX?", and proceeds to defeat them with a shell script.
- Megatron and the Decepticons make a cameo appearance. Did you ever notice
how the Constructicons individually were quite intelligent, but when they
merged to form Devastator, Devastator acted like a drooling moron? Well, the
five combining Transformers I knew of at the time — Devastator, Menasor,
Superion, Bruticus, and Defensor — all got together, and Megatron
commanded them to "Transform, phase 3! And merge into ... Duuuuuuuh!".
Thus they combined to form the biggest combined Transformer evar; and
following the Constructicons/Devastator rule of combiner stupidity, it was
also the biggest drooling moron ever, capable of only saying "Duuuuuuuh!" over
and over again.
- The entire Sanders Group needs to get to the big climactic battle near the
end, so they all pile into Force Field's car.
- Force Field has a huge, unrequited crush on Jumper which finally gets
requited at the end.
- After the end, Michael Gersten complains that they didn't all look into
the camera and say "How many experience points do we
- Ninja Mouse was a continuing story extolling the exploits of, you
guessed it, Ninja Mouse. Sadly, this
continuing story was not preserved and has been lost.
- Thundercats/Transformers was a continuing story exploring the
limitless possibilities of "what if the Thundercats could turn into vehicles?".
Sadly, this continuing story was not preserved and has been lost. From memory,
the players in this story included:
The Villains included:
- Pink Panthro, who could transform into Pink Panzer.
- Tigrome, who could transform (painfully, but with no memory of the pain)
into Earth Elemental. (Why "Tigrome"? Think Grome, the lord of the Earth
elementals from the Michael Moorcock mythos.)
- Wily K.I.T.T., who could transform herself into the car from Knight
- Wily Kat, who could combine with Wily K.I.T.T. to form Wily Kit-Kat, a giant
chocolate-covered wafer cookie bar.
- Links-O, who was basically just Lynx-O with a different spelling.
- Ssssssssssssssssssslythe, who had to ssssssssssssssspeak every
sssssssssssss as a long hisssssssssssssssss.
- Jackal Lantern. (Get it?)
- Mumm-Ra the Ever Dying, who was based around a rules exploit. In
Champions, a character was "dying" when his BODY
points reached 0, and dead when his BODY reached negative his original BODY
total; so a normal person with 10 BODY would be dying at 0 BODY and dead at -10
BODY. When a character was "dying," he'd lose an additional BODY every 12
seconds. But ... what if a character started out with -1 BODY? Then he'd
be dying, and his BODY would go down by 1 every 12 seconds, but he wouldn't be
dead until his BODY reached positive 1. So he'd be constantly dying, but
never die! This was Mumm-Ra's great power. Since he'd been around for a
thousand years, his BODY was now down to -2,629,800,000.
- Lion-O held the Sword of Omens up in Tigrome's face, and shouted
"Look!". Tigrome complained "You brought me all this way to show me a dirt speck
on your sword?", to which Lion-O replied "Oh, right, the sight-beyond-sight
thing only works for me."
- Cheetara kept on getting all hot for Lion-O, at least in the moves posted
by REM. ("Oh, yes, shoot me with your big, hard missile!")
- The only way to defeat Mumm-Ra was to heal him all the way to +1 BODY. To
do this, the heroes constructed a massive, Death-Star-sized healing ray.
- When the heroes finally defeat Mumm-Ra, and he's lying there dead, he gets
in the last word: "Little do they know that the Champions rules don't
say that anything changes for you when you're dead!"
Roger M. Wilcox's not-so-old stories
- My Little Borg is that most hideous of
creatures, a crossover fanfic. Written in 2013, when I was 47 years old and
should have known better. In this story, the Borg invade Equestria and only
unicorn magic (and a judicious use of the Borg's own collective against them)
can save them. Plus, Twilight Sparkle gets to be a starship captain.
- My Little Borg: The Visitation
(unfinished). A sequel to the above crossover fanfic.
- How David Weber Orders a Pizza. So
convincing, you won't believe it's not really David Weber.
- Two-Timing. From a dream where someone was
praising me for writing a short story filled with twos.
- Harry Potter and the Vorpal Sword
from Hell. The most beautiful piece of Harry Potter fanfiction you will
- Dim-o-lan (unfinished). A re-telling of parts
of two chapters of The Whitemail Machine, from the
standpoint of Rick Harald Dim-o-lan.
- Inventions (unfinished). What's a lab
apprentice to do when he works for an impossible genius with an undead rival?
Click here to go to Roger M. Wilcox's home page.
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