The original, 1-page short story version of

THE SHRINKING & ENLARGING MACHINE

Copyright © 1975 by Roger M. Wilcox. All rights reserved.
(writing on this story began 4-Apr-1975)
The original draft was written on a mechanical typewriter, single-spaced, with no right margin, before I'd learned about those pesky little things called "paragraphs." All spellings, punctuation, strings of exclamation points, capitalizations, colors, etc. are as in the original. Unfortunately, without scanning it in and presenting an image, I can't really convey all the typewriter overstrikes and formatting oddities I had to slog through in the original.

You have been warned.

CHAPTER 1: I SLIPPED......................................................

One day I was working on a large clock, so I could tell more acurate time than the clock in my house, when a bundle of wires, transistors, capacitors, & 1k resistors fell into my big clock. Then I thought, "well, I'll test the clock anyway". Well, I was testing it wile eating a hotdog, and when I turned the clock on, something very strange happened. My hotdog got heavier. I turned to look at my hotdog, &, it was growing larger, 1 inch per second. I was amazed! Never in my whole life did I see anything any bit like it! Then I turned the clock dial to 'fast' & the hotdog started to shrink, 1 inch per second. Then I unpluged the large clock, & the hotdog stayed the same size. "Well", I thought, "the hotdog was toward the center of the face of the clock, so that must be where the ray comes out". 6 seconds later I got 7 kids all around my garage. Then I gave them a demonstration with my hotdog. They were amazed! Then they went home....................................

CHAPTER 2: THE NEWSPAPER REPORT./.l....................................,..

One day I was walking around, shrinking all the bullys, when a newspaper reporter took my picture & asked me how the machine works. Then I said, "it was an accident. You see, I was making a large clock to tell more acurate time, when a bundle of wires, transistors, capacitors, & 1k resistors fell in." Then the reporter went to the newspaper men. And what a story it was! it was sold at about 600 per hour! Then I looked at the paper, & it said that the denver govermint wanted me to come there & give him a demonstration. Well, I went to the L.A. airport, when a guy looked kind of suspicious, well, only kind of. But when I wasnt looking, (that is, on the plane) he quickly switched the machine I had with another large clock. And when I came to denver the govermint was surprised it didnt work. Then I said, "I dont understand. It worked on the bullys in town, & on my hotdog, so why dosent it work here?" Then the govermint said, "why dont you go back to get back the real shrinking & enlarging machine?" So I did. And when I got back, the first suspect was that guy that looked sort of suspicious. Then he came up 2 yds. away from me & turned the machine on 'slow' & pluged it into a large battery & the ray came out. And you know what happened then, I grew! And I grew to 9 ft. 6! And then he gave up. Then I went to see the govermint for a demonstration. After I gave the demonstration, he said it would be worth $3,000,000! Then I said, "I'd rather keep it to myself. Besides, it will solve the energy crisis." And I went back, took the lid off of a bottle of root beer, & enlarged it, & drank it (5 gallons (some if it (2½ gallons) I fed to the whole neighborhood).

THE END

A 'WILCOX' PRESENTATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Author's notes from 2013:

This story might have been inspired by a skit we performed at YMCA day camp about an enlarging machine.
Referring to the "denver govermint" as "him" wasn't a grammatical mistake, nor was it an attempt at poetic personification. At the time I wrote this, I really thought the government was a single person, much like the king or the president.
The "energy crisis" mentioned near the end of the story refers to the OPEC oil embargo of 1973. At the time, I had no idea that this crisis was a result of international politics; I only knew that everyone was saying that fuel was scarce, and there was a crisis because our cars were using so darned much of it.
I don't know about you, but the glaring omission of that final close-parenthesis from the end of the story really bugs me. It's like it's begging for me to correct it.

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