The original, 1-page short story version of

BY THE RINGS OF SATURN!

Copyright © 1975 by Roger M. Wilcox. All rights reserved.
(writing on this story began 15-August-1975)
The original draft was written on a mechanical typewriter, single-spaced, with no right margin. I'd started to learn about those pesky little things called "paragraphs" by the time I wrote this, but I had yet to learn that paragraphs were supposed to be indented. The title was inspired by the catchphrase of the Professor from the Tintin comics. All spellings, punctuation, science "facts", capitalizations, colors, etc. are as in the original. Unfortunately, without scanning it in and presenting an image, I can't really convey all the typewriter overstrikes and formatting oddities I had to slog through in the original.

You have been warned.

At the begining of the human race, 4,000,000 years ago, Saturns rings were made, to tell us something. What that something is, we still (now) do not know. 4,000,000 Years past, & even now, 1975, today, we are unable to detect life on saturn, or it's rings.
12 Years past, & in 1987 (then), a strong radio signal came throughout the world. Everyones TV set or radio went blank & had a loud sound pass through them for 3 seconds, & then it stopped. The radio staition had nothing to do with it (they found out), & no one had a spark generator (they also found out)! The power of that radio beem caused a temporary brown-out (3 second) of 85 volts through the power lines throughout the world.
It was not from Mars (they found out in 1978), & not closer to the Sun, but further from it. It seemed to be from 897,000,000 miles away from the Sun. IT had to be from the last 4 planets in the solar system (because there was no possibility of life on Jupiter).

CHAPTER II; LIFE ON SATURN'S 5^th MOON.......

In 1994, a rocket was launched to Saturn, w/ men, & landed in 1997. They saw a guy out on its 5^th moon, that was all purple! They then launched the rocket & landed on Saturn's 5^th moon. It had an atmosphere of CO2 & O2. The temprature in the day is 67°, & in the night, 38°. The people walking around there were either purple, or yellow. That moon was covered ½ by water, & ½ by land. The oceans on that moon were 85% H2O, & 15% bugs (germs), & minerals. But the distilled water was 103% H2O! They also had 34 karit gold! The cows gave pasturized, homogenized milk, 3%, 2%, & ¼% milkfat (reg., low-fat, & nonfat milk)!
The 5^th moon is the largest moon, but still only 3500 miles in diameter. Their outlets ranged from 1½ volts (like batteries) to 5800 volts (like power lines)! They also ranged from .01 amps to 8500 amps! So they ranged in voltage & current!
They then thought that theyed better go back to Earth. They then launched the rocket & headed back to Earth. The rocket only had 42 lbs. of fuel left, & 11 lbs. of fuel were used for launching. So for it's journey, it only had 31 lbs. of fuel. The rocket had used 165 lbs. of fuel to get from Saturn, to it's 5^th moon (124 lbs. for launching off Saturn.) It gave several thrusts during the journey, each used up 1½ lbs. of fuel. Finally, they reached Earth, & used their 2 lbs. of propellent for landing.

CHAPTER III: PROOF OF LIFE ON SATURN'S 5^th MOON.......

The astronauts picked up a plant from Saturns 5^th moon, strait out of the soil. The plant was then carefully examined from accurate scientists, whitch proved that this plant was just like 1 of Earth's! The astronauts then told them that it wasn't from Saturn, but from it's 5^th moon, 3500 miles in diameter. "The atmosphere there was made of CO2 & O2! They had 103% H2O & 34 karit gold!" The astronauts said. "The people were either purple or yellow!" The astronauts said. "The cows on that moon gave pasturized, homogenized milk, 3%, 2%, & ¼% milkfat!" The astronauts then said.
The astronauts reported this to the newspaper reporters, & it came out in the newspaper immedietly. Everybody read about this, & demanded distruction of Saturn's 5^th moon. They said, "destroy that moon, that moon is to be distructed, get rid of that moon!" So they didn't Argu, & sent an explosive, high speed rocket over to that moon, that took only 6 weeks to get there. After it exploded, Saturn had 2 rings, & 1 less moon.

THE END

A 'WILCOX' PRESENTATION!!!

Author's notes from 2013:

Note how I called all the planets out beyond Jupiter, taken together, the "last 4 planets in the solar system." Back then, Pluto — yes, that pipsqueak Kuiper Belt object whose orbit is not only inclined 15 degrees from the ecliptic, but is so eccentric that it actually crosses the orbit of Neptune every couple hundred years — was actually considered a full-blown planet. Can you believe it? Such ignorant savages!
At the time I wrote this, my dad had told me (incorrectly) that 32 karat gold was pure gold. Had I known that the karat purity scale only went up to 24, I probably would have given Saturn's 5th moon "26 karit gold" in this story.
Given the listed diameter of Saturn's 5th moon in chapter II, it most likely referred to Titan. Why I considered Titan to be the fifth moon, and not the first (in order of its discovery), I haven't a clue; though at least one modern numbering scheme calls Titan "Saturn VI," presumably counting outward from the planet and only counting large satellites.

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