The original, 20-page script version of

"Star Trek: Not of Matter"

Copyright © 1982 by Roger M. Wilcox. All rights reserved.
(writing on this script began 6-May-1982)

The original draft was written on an electric typewriter. It was originally an assignment in my 11th grade Science Fiction Literature class. I kid you not, one of our options for this assignment was "Write a new Star Trek script." Fan fiction for a writing assignment? What could be better! All spellings, punctuation, capitalizations, misnamed communications officers, etc. are as in the original.

You have been warned.

KIRK: Captain's log, stardate 1782.4. We are in pursuit of a
      Klingon battlecruiser that has recently attacked a Fed-
      eration outpost. We don't want war, so we'll have to
      destroy it as soon as possible.
SULU: Captain, the Klingon has just accelerated to warp eight.
KIRK: Ok, then, accelerate to follow, arm photon torpedoes,
      and see if you can hit him before he gets out of range.
SCOTTY: But Cap'n, sir, the warp drive engines are overloaded
        as it is! If we accelerate any more it could do irrep-
        parable damage to the dilithium crystals!
KIRK: I'm not worried; we've been in tougher scrapes before.
      Bring us up to warp eight; we can't let the Klingon
SCOTTY: Aye aye, sir.
   As the ship sails up towards the enemy Klingon vessel, a
beam of blue-white light streaks from the direct rear of the
Klingon, striking the Enterprise square.
KIRK: We've been hit! Damage report, lieutennant O'hura.
O'HURA: The front shields are still holding, but the force of
        the impact damaged our warp engines.
SCOTTY: I was afraid of that, what with the load they were
SPOCK: We have also been flung off-course, sir, and are rapidly
       approaching sector X-1.
KIRK: X-1? That's the sector containing the black hole! If we
      fall into it, we'll be crushed beyond existence! Scotty,
      get us full impulse power - change our course, fast!
SCOTTY: Aye, Captain!
SPOCK: Impulse engines working, but ineffective; we are already
       within the gravity field of the black hole.
KIRK: Scotty, get those warp engines working - fast! If we
      don't get out of here in time, I don't need to say what
      will happen to us!
SCOTTY: I'll do my best, Captain.
SPOCK: Gravity increasing, event horizon approaching rapidly.
       We've less than ten seconds to impact.
KIRK: Scotty, ya better hurry.
SCOTTY: I'm workin' me fastest. It seemed the shields absorbed
        most of the impact, and what with the Klingon's phasers
        being so much weaker than ours, I'll easily be able to
        fix the engines. But with less that ten seconds, I don't
SPOCK: Three
KIRK: No!!!
SCOTTY: I got it!!!
   The starship plunges into the black hole.
KIRK: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the
      starship "Enterprise." Its five year mission: To explore
      strange new worlds; to seek out new life and new civili-
      zation - To boldly go where no man has gone before!
                  --- STAR TREK ---
DARTH: I have you now, Luke!
LUKE: No, no, don't do it, Darth!
ROBERT CULP: Easy, Luke. Don't take it so hard!
LUKE: I know, I know. My doctor says I've been getting too
      much caffeene.
ROBERT: Well, then you should try Stanka brand.
LUKE: But I only like real coffee.
ROBERT: Dammit, Luke, Stanka IS real coffee!!
LUKE: Ulp! Okay, okay, whatever you say!
                 --- THREE WEEKS LATER ---
ROBERT: Well, Luke, how goes the ol' rebellion?
LUKE: Just great, thanks to Stanka brand!
ANNOUNCER: And now, back to our program.
KIRK: Captain's log supplemental. A phaser blast from the
      Klingon knocked us off-course into the black hole at
      Cygnus X-1. By all rites, we should have been crushed,
      but thanks to Lieutennant Scott's brilliant effort, the
      warp engines were operating before we were thrown into
      the event horizon, and thus we escaped, somehow, unharmed.
SPOCK: It would appear that we are a victim of very narrow
       chance, Captain. If Scotty had repaired the engines
       one second later, we would have been crushed, having
       not been protected by a surrounding field of warp-space.
       If Scotty had repaired the engines a couple of seconds
       earlier, we would have built up enough power to exceed
       warp one and escape the black hole's gravity. Fascinating.
KIRK: Yes, it is fascinating. Scotty, how are the warp engines
      coming along?
SCOTTY: I don't understand it,Captain - the instruments show
        they're operating perfectly normally, but the detectors
        show an excess quantity of anti-matter being generated
        directly behind the ship, and besides, we're not even
KIRK: Hmmm ... well, if they're generating excessive antimatter,
      shut them down; I don't want my ship going off in a
      matter-antimatter reaction. Something very strange has
      been going on around here. For instance, there's this
      strange report just in from the recreation room. It
      seems that while a man was playing three-dimensional
      chess, he placed his bishop on king's level-4, and the
      playing piece fell right through the board. In fact,
      every piece on the board, once he touched it, fell right
      through to the tabletop. Strange...very strange.
SULU: A report just came in from one of our chem labs, sir.
      One of our scientists was just caught in an explosion -
      while mixing helium with mercury!
KIRK: But...that's impossible. Helium doesn't react with any-
      thing under normal conditions!
SPOCK: Could any of these strange occurrences have anything to
       do with our little trip through the black hole?
KIRK: Maybe so...but I've got to make certain. I just want to
      do one more test. (He gets up, walks over to a side area
      on the bridge, opens a door, and takes out a small glass
      tube.) This tube contains gaseous hydrogen, which glows
      a pinkish color when electrical current is passed through
      it. I'll turn on the current from here. (He presses a
      small switch in the back of the tube, and to everyone's
SCOTTY: It's glowin' bright green!
KIRK: Yes, it is!
SPOCK: Then it would appear that we are...not of matter.
   (dramatic music)
KIRK: Yes...of course, we're not of matter - because matter
      couldn't exist if it were in another universe! When we
      passed through that black hole, we came out indo another
      universe, completely unlike our own. While we were going
      through the black hole, our material forms were converted
      into some weird substance, completely unlike matter, that
      would be acceptable to this universe! We only look the
      same because that's the way we perceive ourselves from
      the standpoint of this new universe! And although some
      physical laws may be slightly different, the majority
      of them will appear the same, due to our complete change
      of perception!
SPOCK: Brilliant, Captain. I couldn't have said it better
SULU: Captain, sir, we came out of the black hole in the
      middle of a rather large galaxy. There's a yellow star
      only a few light-days away, sir. Shall we explore it?
KIRK: Yes, why not? We might as well learn as much about this
      new universe as we possibly can. Set course for that
      star under impulse drive.
SULU: Aye aye, sir.
O'HURA: Sir, are you sure we're using impulse drive? The star
        seems to be approaching us at over five times the
        speed of light!
KIRK: Aha! Based on that information, calculate the new speed
      of light for this universe. We're gonna conquer this
      baby yet.
SPOCK: Calculations coming in now, Captain. It seems that the
       speed of light in our present universe is approximately
       7.58 times the accepted constant c, the speed of light
       in our original universe.
KIRK: Good! That means we'll reach the yellow star in only a
      matter of hours
   Time passes. The starship drifts through the universe at
an unusal sub-light speed, constantly approaching a medium-
sized, yellow star.
SPOCK: The system seems to have seven planets, two of which
       are of the jovian gas-giant type, the other five of
       which are the terrestrial type.
KIRK: Are there any class M planets among the terrestrials?
SPOCK: There is one; the second planet out from the star has
       what appears to be a fifty percent oxygen atmosphere,
       judging from its reflective properties. Although, from
       this range, we cannot be certain.
   (to one side of the stage, Dr. McCoy enters)
KIRK: Good. Mr. Sulu, set a course for the second planet from
      the star.
SULU: Aye aye, sir.
McCOY: What's happening, Jim?
KIRK: What's happening, Bones, is that we're going to explore
      the first life-supporting planet we've discovered in
      the universe.
McCOY: But what about the changes in the physical laws? For
       all we know, that "oxygen" as our sensors read it could
       be chlorine gas! We only determined the atmospheric com-
       position by its reflective properties, you know.
KIRK: Yes, I know that Bones. But that's the chance we're going
      to have to take. We'll use oxygen masks, but only until
      one of us gets up the courage to taste the new planet's
      air. We'll have to find out, sooner or later.
BONES: Well, I don't like it.
SULU: Planet reached and orbit secured.
BONES: Wow, that was fast!
KIRK: Don't underestimate this universe; it could give us more
      than we'd expected, ever.
SPOCK: Short-range sensors have confirmed it, Captain. The
       planet's atmosphere is fifty percent Oxygen and a little
       over fourty-nine percent Nitrogen. The pressure on the
       surface is approximately two-fifths of an atmosphere,
KIRK: Great! We should feel right at home then.
SPOCK: Maybe you, sir, but not me. The planet Vulcan has an
       atmosphere consisting of about half as much oxygen as
       you normally breathe. I'll only be going from one
       concentration of oxygen to another, equally as thick
       and hard to breathe. The fact that I decided to be an
       officer in a human-oriented starship is most illogical.
KIRK: Not really. You did what the human side of you told you
      to do.
BONES: Please, Jim, don't bring him into that argument again!
KIRK: Oh, all right. Scotty, prepare the transporter. Bones,
      Spock - we're beaming down. Pick up some oxygen masks
      from supply, but be certain not to get the plastic
      kind. They'll fall apart instantly on touch.
   (on the bridge, they leave, and enter the transporter room.
They are already wearing their oxygen masks)
KIRK: Well, Spock, you look happy!
SPOCK: I have the oxygen flow on my mask set to one-half. That
       way, I can breathe the old, familiar atmosphere of my
       home planet, Vulcan.
BONES: No wonder you Vulcans act so weird; you're deoxygenated!
KIRK: Energize, Mr. Scott.
SCOTTY: Aye, sir.
   (In a few seconds of light and sound, the three reappear on
the surface of the planet)
BONES: Well, it sure looks barren enough.
   (Spock begins to take Tricorder readings)
KIRK: Yes, it certainly does. No life, anywhere.
SPOCK: Wrong, Captain. According to this, the planet is almost
       as filled with life as your Earth was before the twent-
       ieth century.
KIRK: Well, then, where are the life forms?
SPOCK:! (he pulls a rather odd-shaped piece of
       dirt from the ground) This mound of dirt is alive, Cap-
       tain, the same way a plant is alive.
KIRK: Well, at least that's something. I'm going to take a
      chance and remove my oxygen mask.
BONES: But you might die!
SPOCK: Dr. McCoy is correct. If I were to remove my oxygen
       mask, I would have a better chance of surviving, since
       Vulcan biology is more immune to some poisons.
KIRK: Okay, then, go ahead.
   (Spock removes his mask, and immediately begins retching)
KIRK: Spock? What is it? Are you all right? What's wrong with
      the air?
SPOCK: Nothing's (ulgh) wrong with it, Captain. (Pant, pant)
       It's the same thing, sickly air on your Earth and on
       the Enterprise.
KIRK: (removing his mask) Yahoo! I never thought I'd see the
      day when I'd be glad to see you sick!
McCOY: (removing his mask also) I've always dreamed of it.
KIRK: What?
SPOCK: Do not worry, Captain. I know the doctor is only kidding.
       It may be childish and illogical, but I can recognize it.
KIRK: C'mon, guys, let's explore.
   (they set out on foot in an arbitrary direction to explore
their new found world. After a few minutes (15 seconds screen
time), Captain kirk comes upon something quite peculiar)
KIRK: Spock - I just felt something very strange, like I was
      really light-headed or something. (by now he has stopped
SPOCK: That sounds like the doctor's territory to me.
KIRK: No - I don't mean light-headed in the sense of feeling
      faint - I mean physically light-headed, like my head lost
SPOCK: Hmmm...when and where did you feel this?
KIRK: Just a few seconds ago - back there aways.
SPOCK: Step back along your path. I want to make sure of some-
KIRK: Ok, but I don't see...Hold it! There it is again! My
      head feels like it weighs almost nothing!
SPOCK: Put your hand in the air, slightly above your head.
KIRK: Ok. Wow! It feels like it's in zero gravity!
SPOCK: That's probably because it is.
KIRK: What?
SPOCK: My tricorder showed a low-gravity zone just about at
       that point, but I was reluctant to believe it at first.
       Now, I'm certain of it.
KIRK: That's just great, but what does it mean?
SPOCK: Most logically, Captain, it means that you've found one
       of the planet's synchronous points.
KIRK: Synchronous points? You mean, as in synchronous orbit?!?
SPOCK: Precisely. It would appear that in this universe, a
       planet of this size has its synchronous points only six
       feet off the ground. Fascinating.
McCOY: Hey, Jim, let me try that! (Kirk freely gets out of his
       way while McCoy jumps up to the synchronous point)
       Wheeeeeee!!! This is fun!
KIRK: Sure, go ahead, Bones. A little louder, and you'll wake
      the natives!
   (suddenly, a lound scream penetrates the air from behind the
group. The turn around just in time to see a four foot tall
life form aiming a gleaming weapon at them, and readying to
KIRK: Bones, Spock, get down! (Spock dives for it, and Kirk
      pulls Dr. McCoy from the air just in time to miss a beam
      of hot, red light. Spock recognizes the light form inst-
SPOCK: Coherent light. He must be using a laser.
KIRK: They have laser guns? That means their technology prob-
      ably isn't too far behind ours. (Suddenly, another scream
      is heard, and another alien materializes next to the first
      one, firing as he does) Phasers, on stun.
BONES: Any time you're ready, Jim. (another sizzling beam of
       coherent light passes just above their heads)
KIRK: Fire! (In two concussions of blue light, both aliens
      are knocked out) Spock, the next time you see one of
      those gays, use the language translator attached to
      the side of your communicator.
SPOCK: That would appear to be the logical thing to do. (as if
       on cue, another alien appears where the other two lay
       unconscious. This time, he is unarmed) Language trans-
       lator activated. They seem to speak about ten thousand
       cycles above normal human hearing.
TRANSLATOR: Aliens. More-aliens-have-come. We-will-not-let-
            past. This-time, they-will-be-destroyed. No-more-
            We-have-experienced-it-too-often-in-the-past, with-
KIRK: So that's it. They want to destroy us because they think
      we will take them for everything they've got. Spock, how
      can we tell them we come in peace?
SPOCK: I don't think that matters, Captain. Listen -
TRANSLATOR: The-first-thing-they-will-do-is-tell-us-they-come-
            in-peace. If-that-is-peace, we-would-rather-fight.
KIRK: Oh dear. (he flips open his communicator) Kirk to Enter-
SCOTTY: Enterprise to Kirk, Scott here.
KIRK: Three to beam up, and fast.
SCOTTY: Aye aye, Captain.
   (once again, they are enveloped with bubbling light and
reappear in the transporter room)
KIRK: That was too close. These aliens I think mean business.
      Their race has been constantly plundered by other alien
      races, and they're not about to greet us with open arms.
SCOTTY: You mean, you found intelligent life?
KIRK: Yes - intelligent life, with laser guns. (he comes up to
      a speaker unit on one wall and speaks into it) Sulu,
      plot us a course out of here, as fast as possible.
SULU: Yes, Captain.
   (the engines begin to emit their familiar sound that reminds
everyone on board of a generator working under a heavy load)
O'HURA: Captain, come up to the bridge at once! You won't be-
        lieve this!
KIRK: Okay, got it. Kirk out. (he walks with Spock, Bones, and
      Scotty to the elevator) Elevator, bridge. (the elevator
      begins to move upward) What do you think's troubling
      lieutennant O'hura?
Bones: Probably another one of the strange quirks of this
KIRK: Perhaps, but she sounded as if it must be pretty impor-
      tant. (the elevator opens, the four walk out on the
      bridge, and are instantly astounded) Oh, my! (the view-
      screen is displaying a large vessel, about twice the
      size of the Enterprise, closing in fast)
SPOCK: It appears to be a form of interstellar ramscoop, Cap-
KIRK: Yes, it is a ramscoop. I haven't seen one of those since
      I studied the first Romulan war! And even then, they were
      being replaced with compact Impulse engines on things
      like the Romulan warbird and the Federation light cruiser.
BONES: Well, whatever it is, it's coming right toward us, and -
       Holy Matrimony! It's shooting at us!
KIRK (taking his seat in the command chair): Mr. Sulu, commence
     evasive action. Helmsman, arm the left phaser banks.
   (the ship rocks slightly as the missile strikes the shields,
deflecting most of the damage out into deep space)
SPOCK: Captain, shield control reports minimal damage on rear
KIRK: No problem. Sulu, turn left. Helmsman, fire phasers on my
SULU & HELM: Aye aye, sir.
   (the ship pulls through the turn with some inertia)
KIRK: Fire!
SPOCK: Phaser banks shut down due to massive overheating and
       matter-antimatter imbalance. No phaser beams were pro-
KIRK: But why? Our hand phaser worked perfectly!
SPOCK: Your hand phasers were only phased beams of naturally
       occurring energy forms. The ships phasers rely heavily
       on warp space to propel them instantaneously to their
KIRK: what you're saying is, our phaser are useless.
SPOCK: That is correct.
KIRK: Okay, then, arm photon torpedoes. Sulu, prepare to attack
      the ramscoop head-on.
   (suddenly, another missile strikes the Enterprise squarely
in the front. The shield negates the blast, but the missile is
suddenly followed by a high-intensity laser beam)
SCOTTY: That beam sliced right through our forward shields in
        the weak spot the missile created! Those aliens sure
        know their battle tactics.
KIRK: Yes, and I wouldn't be surprised if those were the same
      aliens that tried to kill us on the surface of the planet.
      They were at about the technical level of ramscoops.
      Damage control - what did they hit?
O'HURA: Our photon torpedo banks, sir.
KIRK: Damn! Sulu, hard about. Scotty, get us full impulse
      power. We've got to get out of firing range of that ram-
SCOTTY: Aye, sir, but don't forget that a ramscoop o' that
        size could probably outrun impulse drive.
KIRK: But they need more time to accelerate! If we can get
      out of here before they reach our speed, we might be
      able to give 'em the slip.
SCOTTY: Okay, sir - I'll do me best.
SPOCK: Fast getaway ineffective, Captain - the ramscoop has
       already built up too much velocity.
   (another missile streaks towards the ship, about five times
as big as the two before it, but this time the Enterprise
evades it)
KIRK: Did you see the size of that thing? I wouldn't be sur-
      prised if they had atomic weapons. A good nuclear blast
      could eat right through our shields as fast as a phaser.
   (Kirk looks down at the instruments on the arm of his chair,
and sees the messages: "object closing" and "estimated time to
impact: five minutes")
KIRK: Impact? Yes...that's it! Scotty, shut down the impulse
      engines, and bring the warp drive up to full power.
SCOTTY: The warp drive, sir? But I don't understand!
KIRK: Just do it, and fast!
SCOTTY: Aye, sir, but I still don't get it.
KIRK (to everyone): Scotty said the warp drive created a cloud
     of antimatter behind our ship. If we suddenly cut speed,
     he'll be too fast-approaching to decelerate, and will ram
     into us. Before he does, though, he'll hit the antimatter
     cloud. That should finish him off for good. I just hope
     our shields and our warp engines can take it.
   (the second readout immediately changed to: "estimated time
to impact: 30 seconds")
KIRK: Scott, how're our warp engines doing?
SCOTTY: Aye, I'm not worried about them being pushed all the
        way to warp ten; they can take the strain since they
        haven't been in use for so long. What worries me is
        the fact that antimatter wanders around as aimlessly
        as matter does, and the antimatter cloud could easily
        back up into the warp engines. That would destroy them
KIRK: Great, just keep it up. We'll need that cloud to be as
      big as possible if we're gonna stop the ramscoop. Kirk
      out. (he switches to a rear view of the Enterprise, and
      sees the sparkling clouds of antimatter, scintillating
      whenever they encounter an atom of regular matter) It
      was strange how freely he used the word "matter." He's
      forgotten that we're in another universe entirely, that
      we are not of matter at all, but of some other substance
      beyond our comprehension. Oh well, it was an easy mistake;
      I was beginning to forget, myself.
COMPUTER: Twenty-seconds-to-impact.
KIRK: Helm, power to side and reverse shields. Be ready to
      bring them up to full. We're gonna have one hell of a
      blast on our hands.
SCOTTY: Captain, the antimatter cloud on the port side is back-
        ing up! We must cut power to save the engine!
KIRK: Negative. Keep both engines going at full blast. Even if
      we lose both engines, we have to ensure a complete kill
      of that ramscoop. Believe me, the scoop won't be an easy
      obstacle to overcome.
COMPUTER: Ten-seconds-to-impact. Nine...
KIRK: Helm, full power to side and rear shields, and reinforce
      the rear shield with all the ships remaining power.
   (suddenly, the ship shakes violently.)
SCOTTY: I was afraid of this, Cap'n. The left warp engine was
        blown up by a matter-antimatter reaction!
KIRK: (There goes that misnaming again!) Thanks for the info,
      but it won't do any good.
COMPUTER: Five-seconds-to-impact...
KIRK: Brace yourselves, everybody! We've already lost an engine!
   (The ramscoop strikes the rear of the ship just before the
shield. Suddenly, the ramscoop turns into a great mass of light
as its entire body is enveloped and consumed by an antimatter
cloud. The whole enemy ship then blows up, not unlike a super-
nova. Inside, the crew are flung from side to side as the
Enterprise's tough hull is pushed to its limits)
   (and then, the event is over)
KIRK (amid the exuberant cheering of the crew): Lieutennant
     O'Hura, give us a damage report.
O'HURA: Aside from the warp engine we lost, twenty of the crew
        are dead, and thirty injured. Rear and side shields are
        completely gone, and our side phasers are damaged.
KIRK (sadly): Twenty crew dead...yes. I guess it was the price.
O'HURA: But don't you understand, sir? The cheering? We did it!
KIRK: Yes, we certainly did. We've given battle wounds to fifty
      of our own personnel, twenty of which were mortally wounded.
      But more importantly, we defeated a space ship. A space
      ship which probably carried at least twice as many crew
      members of a race that had been always the underdog, and
      was just now beginning to fight for its freedom. Because
      of what we did, for all we know, we could have thrown
      an entire race into oblivion. But, like you said, we
      did it.
BONES: Hey, look Jim, don't take it so hard. If you didn't
       destroy them, they would have surely destroyed us. You
       only did what you had to do.
KIRK: Yes. I know, but whenever I destroy an enemy space ship,
      even if it's a Romulan vessel, I can't help thinking how
      many intelligent life forms I'm destroying.
BONES: Yes, I feel the same whay whenever I lose a patient.
KIRK: Somehow, that doesn't make it any easier.
SCOTTY: Captain, I turned off the warp drive, but there's
        still a trace quantity of antimatter behind the ship.
        I suggest we move out of the way.
KIRK: Huh? Oh, yes, of course. Sulu, move us out of here at
      half power.
SULU: Sure thing, Captain!
KIRK: Captain's log, stardate 1783.1. The new universe has
      shown us some interesting and fascinating qualities,
      not the least of which was a battle to the death against
      an alien ramscoop. We destroyed it, with some difficulty,
      but I feel that by our doing so, we also destroyed the
      only hope for an entire race.
SPOCK: Captain, look - a quasar. We appear to have stumbled
       upon the white hole from which we emerged into this
KIRK: Yes, but why is it in the middle of a galaxy?
SPOCK: One cannot expect logic from a universe he knows prac-
       tically nothing about.
KIRK: Well, if it's the white hole we came out of, maybe then
      we can go back through it to our own universe!
SPOCK: Negative, Captain. A white hole is a one-way door; we
       cannot go back through.
KIRK: Well, maybe - just maybe - that's a little different in
      this universe.
SPOCK: No, Captain. White holes and black holes are extra-
       universal. Their laws are governed by a higher state of
       existence than any one universe; they are governed by
       the adamant laws of Absolute Space.
KIRK: Then...there's no way we can go back?
SPOCK: Precisely, Captain. We appear to be stuck here.
KIRK: If that is a white hole!
SPOCK: Come again, Captain?
KIRK: You say that black & white holes are governed by absolute
      space, right?
SPOCK: Correct.
KIRK: Then maybe, if our perception were changed, they'd look
SPOCK: I do not understand, Captain.
KIRK: We perceive this universe in terms of its own substance,
      not of matter, correct?
SPOCK: Correct.
KIRK: But no matter what our perception, black & white holes
      will appear the same in any universe.
SPOCK: Correct.
KIRK: So maybe, we're being deceived! This may not be a quasar
      or a white hole at all, but a black hole, perhaps back
      to our own universe!
SPOCK: Hmmm...illogical, but it might work.
KIRK: That's using the ol' human spirit, Spock! Sulu, set a
      course for that "white" hole up ahead. Helm, front
      shields on full. Scotty, be ready to engage the warp
      engine just when we're about to go in.
SCOTTY: Warp ten, sir?
KIRK: No, warp one will be enough.
COMPUTER: Fifteen-seconds-to-impact...
KIRK: If I'm wrong,...I hope I won't be.
COMPUTER: Ten-seconds-to-impact...
KIRK: Get ready, Scotty...
COMPUTER: Five-seconds...four...
KIRK: Scotty, engage warp drive - now!
SCOTTY: Warp drive engaged, sir!
   (In one second, the Enterprise enters the glowing, black
hole. In one more second, it emerges out the other side, as
safe as can be)
   (the entire crew cheers, at least as loud as before)
KIRK: I have one more test....(he retrieves the hydrogen gas
      tube) Here goes...
SCOTTY: As purple-pink as ever sir.
KIRK: Then, this is it! This is our own universe! (He breathes
      a heavy sigh of relief) Say, I wonder what happened to
      that Klingon we were engaging?
SPOCK: Nothing much could have happened. His security stations
       had been destroyed, and a mutiny would've occurred any
KIRK: Then, we have nothing to worry about. How much time do
      you think has passed since we left the universe?
SPOCK: Probably none. Don't forget, time is only applicable
       to our own universe.
KIRK: Great. How much warp drive capacity do we have?
SULU: With one engine? Warp five, sir. We're just outside the
      Milky Way galaxy.
KIRK: Then warp five it is! Ah, the Milky way once again -
      back to the good ol' Federation. I can identify some of
      the stars from here - there's Deneb, there's our local
      group near the sun - and there's Cygnus X-1.
BONES: Please, don't mention black holes again for a long,
       long time!
   The starship sails towards the galaxy at warp five, and
fades off into the distance.
                        ---THE END---

Author's notes from 2013:
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