Roger M. Wilcox's review of

Annie Hall

(First posted to Bad Movie Night in 2001 or so.)

I can't believe this movie won the Best Picture Oscar™ over Star Wars.

No, wait ... I take that back. The Academy Awards™ are all about the Hollywood community patting themselves on the back. In 1977, Woody Allen was an established figure in the Industry and regarded as a "high artiste" by his cocktail-party critic buddies, while George Lucas was a young upstart who'd done a '50s nostalgia movie and pitifully little else. Furthermore, this movie deals with the kinds of sexual hangups that artsy types (such as Academy™ members) usually have, so naturally the Academy™ voted to give Woody Allen its highest Oscar™.

In fact, given the fact that every Academy™ member is allowed to vote for the Best Picture Oscar™, I can even imagine the thought processes of the average Academy™ member as he sits down to choose his vote:

• Hmmm! I haven't actually seen any of these movies.
• Which one should I choose for Best Picture™? I don't want to look dumb.
• Oh, hey! This one's by Woody Allen. I met him at a Hollywood Hotshots party and really really liked him.
• You mean none of Woody Allen's movies have won Best Picture™ yet?
• Well in that case, here, Woody! Have an Oscar™!

And don't you hate how you can't even say "Oscar"™ or "Academy Award"™ in public anymore without getting written permission in triplicate from the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences?

The movie Annie Hall features Woody Allen acting like Woody Allen for 94 thrill-packed minutes. He whines. He wears the thickest-framed glasses he can get his hands on. He tells Sigmund Freud jokes. He turns to the audience at key points throughout the movie to complain. He thinks the entire country is out to get the Jews. He's self-centered and professionally unsuccessful. And yet he never has any trouble finding women who want to go to bed with him.

We're supposed to believe that Diane Keaton, in the peak of her beauty years, would make the first move on Woody Allen? And then be his girlfriend for 2 years, even after she learns, intimately, just how repulsive he is? Pah. Next you'll tell me that Allen and Keaton were married in real life.

This movie might "speak" to you if you've been seeing an analyst for 15 straight years and can spout all the psychiatric lingo. If you're a spineless wimp, this movie will enable you to find comfort in the fact that you're Not As Big Of A Wimp as Woody Allen. In that sense, and in that sense only, I suppose you could say that the movie is marginally useful.

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