Parody songs sung by Roger M. Wilcox with lyrics by Mike Gorgone


(I've recorded many, many more of my songs that didn't involve Mike Gorgone. They can be found on my main Roger M. Wilcox's Digital-Audio page.)


Love Boat (Food Babe edition) (.MP3 format), music by Charles Fox, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-QjpGO6DCjo

A Love Boat parody, making fun of that bastion of scientific rigor and fair debate, the Food Babe. Also available in a "Food Dope" version, for those of you who don't like the mention of She Who Must Not Be Named.

Food, itís scary itís true
Come aboard, got a cleanse for you
Cheap Food, donít eat anymore
Your money goes, but she keeps wanting more

The Food {Babe/Dope}! Don't cross her, she'll ban your dissenting buns;
The Food {Babe/Dope} promises curing for everyone
Set a course for organic
Donít mind that itís just a fad

And Food it hurts thatís for sure
But not if you buy, from my online store
Its fraudÖ
Welcome aboard Its fraudÖ


Woo Belongs Together (.MP3 format), music by Randy Newman, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nN2cdzfmYaQ

A parody of "We Belong Together" from Toy Story 3, making fun of several food-and-medicine pseudoscience personalities.

[Food Babe] Pseudoscience got a hold on me
Iím not goiní away
Donít you tell me about the facts
I love woo

[David "Avocado" Wolfe] Chocolate energy from the sun
Selling blenders is lots of fun
Just buy my products and Iíll love you
I know itís woo

[Dr. Oz] Lets get together
Weíre gonna clean up
And all the money, will make us less depressed
I studied to be a doctor of the heart
I just canít take not being a star

[Chorus] Woo belongs together
Woo belongs together
Yes we do
Duping minds, forever

Woo belongs together
Woo belongs together
No itís true
We'll go on lyiní, forever
F the truth

[Mike "Health Ranger" Adams, Natural News] I really like to lie to you
My siteís full of click bait.
Got no pride
Not a whole lot of shame
Gotta get the clicks

[Nutritarian Natural Nancy] Talk about crazy, hi itís me
Wrote 2,000 words to get my Ph.D.
And I promise to always live to deny
Whenever it suits me

[Mark Hyman] The day I fooled you
Holistic medicine took over your life
But I bet you feel the same
'Cause you know itís woo
So please forget me
When I take your money away
Cuz youíll always be, paying me

[Chorus] Woo belongs together
Woo belongs together
Yes we do
Duping minds forever

Woo belongs together
Woo belongs together
Dishonestly
We'll go on lying forever
F the truth


Givin' You the Shitz (.MP3 format), music by Irving Berlin and Taco, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYZnH8VnrUQ

Rememer the rash of E. coli outbreaks suffered by the Chipotle restaurant chain in late 2015? Well, it came on the heels of Chipotle's announcement that they wouldn't use GMO ingredients in their food. Good thing their food is "safer" now, eh?

Chipotle knew
No GMO
Went right through you
They bought healthy spinach and itís
Giviní you the Shitz

Customers come in all day
Rice beans with chips, and eataway
Bloat, stomach flips
Giviní you the Shitz

Messed up unsuspecting peopleís poopers
Market hard to look like caring stewards
(Super-Pooper!)

E Coli mix
Infect a fella take steps quick
Or put some Pepto in his mitts
Giviní you the Shitz

Have you heard the well to do?
Tell you Ďbout organic food
Buy only organic fare
With their noses in the air
High costs donít seem to bother
Whole Foods makes lots of dollars
Tell you all the time
What youíre doingís a crime

Chipotle knew
No GMO
Went right through you
They bought healthy spinach and itís
Giviní you the Shitz

Customers come in all day
Rice beans with chips, and eataway
Bloat, stomach flips
Giviní you the Shitz

Gotta crap
GottaÖÖcraaap

Chipotle knew
No GMO
Went right through you
They bought healthy spinach and itís
Giviní you the Shitz
Giviní you the Shitz
Giviní you the Shitz
Giviní you the Shitz


Vacation Time Is Here (.MP3 format), music by Vince Guaraldi, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ww9CR0efC6M

Ah, Christmastime. Organic free-range chestnuts roasting on an open fire, visions of overpriced coconut-agave sugarplums dancing in their heads, and of course another extravagant vacation undertaken by that bastion of scientific rigor and honest debate, the Food Babe. Don't forget to buy your Christmas health food from her affiliates!

Vacation time is here
Affiliate checks have cleared
You wonít reach, me on the beach
Donít try to call me here

Poisons in the air
Toxins everywhere
You will cry and scream and die
Of chemicals B-WARE

Shill posts in the air
Banning everywhere
Have to hide the rising tide
No dissension shows up here

Vacation time is here
My posts you need to share
While Iím away, you still can pay
I bought a house last year

[instrumental interlude]

Shill posts in the air
Banning everywhere
Have to hide the rising tide
No dissension shows up here

Vacation time is here
My posts you need to share
While Iím away, you still can pay
Youíre so gullible my dearrrrrrrrs


Everything Is Toxic (.MP3 format), music by Monty Pynthon, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9cSOB3ta4M

Vani Hari's worship of Food Purity could be roughly compared to avoiding sin. Which would make her the Pope of Food Prudery. Or at least one of its cardinals.

DAD:
There are toxins in the world
There are poisons
Monsanto built Ďem and tries to hide them
There are those who follow organic, but
Chemicals still kill all of them

Iím a Chema-phobic
Got no vaccines even after I was born
Big pharma tried to get me, but that's why
The tin foil on my head is worn!

You donít have eat GM salmon
You donít have to have the grain brain
You donít have to wear Bt cotton
Youíre dying from the sugar you ate

Because

Everything is toxic
Everything you eat is bad
If a toxin enters you
You will end up dead

CHILDREN:
Everything is toxic
Everything you eat is bad
If a toxin enters you
You will end up dead

GIRL:
Got the Endocrine disruptors
The death is all around
Vani will make them pay for
Each chemical compound

CHILDREN:
Every germ is evil
Every germ in your food
Every germís contagious
Theyíll all kill you too

MUM:
Glyphosate you morons
Getís spilled everywhere
If you love my website minions
Spread my message everywhere

MEN:
Everything is toxic
Everything you eat is bad

WOMEN:
If a toxin enters you

CHILDREN:
You will end up dead

PRIEST:
Everything is toxic

BRIDE and GROOM:
Everything you eat is bad

NANNIES:
Vani will make them pay for

CARDINALS:
Each chemical compound

CHILDREN
Chemicals arenít useful
Chemicals killed Dad

FUNERAL CORTEG:
Chemicals kill everybody

MOURNER #1:
Die!

MOURNER #2:
And Die!

CORPSE:
I died!

[instrumental interlude. Much tap-dancing ensues.]

NUN:
Let Monsatan spill theirs
Oíer mountain, hill, and plain

HOLY STATUES:
Fear will grip the people
Thanks to posts put up by Vain

EVERYONE:
Every germ is evil
Every germ in your food
Every germís contagious
Theyíll all kill you too

Everything is toxic
Everything you eat is bad
If a toxin enters you
You will end up dead


From The Music Van(i)

(Mike Gorgone's parody of The Music Man)

All of these have music videos. A complete YouTube playlist is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FaMDuOFRcA&list=PLt28O-D4E5P92zEI5M1GNhhsXe4b7ARQN


Crock (of shit) Island (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

"Sung" to the "tune" of Rock Island, number 2 (after the intro) from The Music Man.


Fryowuh Heartburn (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Iowa Stubborn", number 3 from The Music Man.


Ya Got Poison (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Ya Got Trouble", number 4 from The Music Man. There's also a short intro dialog snippet I recorded for the video.


Chemistry Lesson & I Really Like Science, So? (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Piano Lesson & If You Don't Mind My Saying So", number 5 from The Music Man. There's also a short intro dialog snippet I recorded for the video.


Goodnight My Army (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Goodnight My Someone", number 6 from The Music Man. There's also a short intro dialog snippet I recorded for the video.


Ya Got Poison & Seventy-Six Health Nuts (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Ya Got Trouble & Seventy-Six Trombones", numbers 7 and 8 from The Music Man.


Food Made Here (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Sincere", number 9 from The Music Man.


The Unhealthy and Fearful Town (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "The Sadder but Wiser Girl", number 10 from The Music Man.


Click A Little, Buy A Little (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Pick-A-Little, Talk-A-Little", number 11 from The Music Man.


Contrarian (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Marian the Librarian", number 12 from The Music Man.


My Bright Light (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Roger M. Wilcox, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox. (Also: My Bright Light, man voice version (.MP3 format))

Music video here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWZHDjzxqlc

Sung to the tune of "My White Knight", number 13 from The Music Man. The title is a reference to the subtitle of Carl Sagan's The Demon-Haunted World: science as a candle in the dark.

This early version was rejected from The Music Van(i), due to the fact that it didn't serve to properly advance Marian's ideal of using the fruits of science to help humanity.

It's not just some pretentious bag of tricks. The scientific method is how you tell what's really right from what you want to be right. It's like lighting a candle in the dark!

My bright light;
Not a mandate, nor divine truth on wings
Just a way of knowing
That isn't afraid of uncomfortable things.

My bright light;
The best way to keep me from fooling myself!
Self-correcting, then and now!
(or: Self-correcting, for centuries now!)

Account for experimenter bias,
Account for selection errors,
Placebo effects, nocebo effects —
A straightforward and honest thing
For peer review to catch, and reject or refine
'Til the end result will shine
And withstand the test of time
'Til new data show up;
It's more int'rested in evidence than in fame.

And if occasionally we ponder
What makes the universe tick like it does —
That I could love 'til I die!
That I mustn't let die....

My bright light;
Falsifyable, or it's not worth a dime
Stand on the shoulders of giants,
But don't be afraid to jump off if it's time!

My bright light;
Face the cold truth, while others embrace a warm lie.
(or: Rather face a cold truth than embrace a warm lie.)
In the long run, we'll learn to fly!
If we try!


My Bright Light (2nd Edition) (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone and Roger M. Wilcox, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "My White Knight", number 13 from The Music Man. This version emphasizes the benefits science can bring.

MRS. PAROO: Well, I just don't see how science helps anythin'. I like to know what I know.

MARIAN: It's not just some pretentious bag of tricks, mama. Science is a way to learn, to grow. It helps us become more than we are now, by discovering things we never even thought were possible. It's like ... like lighting a candle in the dark. It's my bright light.

My bright light;
There's so much need for food far and wide.
Science has found so many ways
To grow more, and make more, and turn back the tide.

My bright light;
Well my heart just breaks to see science shut down.
It can teach us, show us how.

I want to end starvation,
I want to end malnutrition;
Science has created plans,
Straightforward and honest plans that you can see
Help farmers, do what they love for ev'ryone.

And I'd like people to see how science can be
A way to better health
And that if they'd just listen, it would teach.

The world is a place full of wonder.
To find how it works, and use that for all;
That I will love 'til I die!
That, I will not let die....

My bright light
Fights diseases, across such a wide range,
Finds new ways of curing
And helps to bring about life-saving change.

My bright light;
Let it shine through the dark, stop embracing the lies.
Truth and knowledge
Learn and fly!
Learn and fly!


The Doctor Oz Magic Wagon (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "The Wells Fargo Wagon", number 14 from The Music Man.


David Avocado (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Gary Indiana", number 20 from The Music Man.


Shit-Poo-Pees (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Shipoopi", number 17 from The Music Man.


Till There Was YOU (.MP3 format), music by Meredith Willson, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Till There Was You", number 23 from The Music Man.


From Scamalot

(Mike Gorgone's parody of Camelot)

Scamalot (royal voice version) (.MP3 format), and
Scamalot (Trump voice version) (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Camelot", number 3 from Camelot. In the character of Donald Trump.


I Wonder What the Trump Is Tweeting Tonight (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "I Wonder What the King Is Doing Tonight", number 1 from Camelot. In the character of Donald Trump.


The Taxes I Won't Pay (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "The Lusty Month of May", number 5 from Camelot. In the character of Donald Trump.

DISCLAIMER: U.S. tax law allows a business to carry losses forward into future tax years. I actually agree with this policy. The 916 million dollars that Trump lost in 1995 was money that had already had income taxes paid on it, back when it was originally earned. If he were taxed on any fraction of that money he made back in a later year, those earnings would have essentially been taxed twice. Allowing losses to offset future gains softens the blow of said losses, and encourages a business to (A) continue operating, and (B) take risks that it otherwise wouldn't be willing to take, both of which have an overall stimulating effect on the economy.


He's YUGE! (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "C'est Moi", number 6 from Camelot. In the character of Steve Bannon.


How To Molest a Woman (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "How To Handle a Woman", number 8 from Camelot. In the character of Donald Trump.


Whenever We Deceive You (Missing Kellyanne) (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "If Ever I Would Leave You", number 9 from Camelot. In the character of Steve Bannon. Additional parts in this song are slated for Kellyanne Conway; Mike has yet to find the singer that will portray her.


That's Why They Did Not Vote Blue (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "What Do the Simple Folk Do?", number 11 from Camelot. In the character of Mike Pence and Donald Trump.


The Seven Bigly Virtues (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "The Seven Deadly Virtues", number 12 from Camelot. In the character of the entire Trump family.


He Won This, Now Be Silent! (Bannon voice) (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "I Loved You Once In Silence", number 15 from Camelot. In the character of Steve Bannon. (A Kellyanne Conway version may be forthcoming, if Mike can find a female singer.)


Scamalot Finale (.MP3 format), music by Frederick Loewe, words by Mike Gorgone, vocals by Roger M. Wilcox

Sung to the tune of "Camelot (Reprise)", number 17 from Camelot. In the character of Donald Trump.


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