Ridiculous Sword

(uses post-Unearthed-Arcana 1st Edition rules)

Race: Human
Alignment: lawful good
Religion: Lawful-Goodism
Place of origin: Central Earth
Birth date: 1 year after the IUDC
Hair color: light brown
Eye color: blue
Sex: F
Height: 4'9"
Weight: 134 lbs, not including equipment
Relations: Daughter of Ringman and Sick Sword, sister of Gross Sword and Disgusting Sword, friend of Jimmy.
Place of residence: Mother's small keep (which her mother gained from the Deck of Many Things).
City of residence: Town (actually, the outskirts of Town)

Character classes and levels
CLASS LEVEL x.p. before
10% bonuses
hit points
gained
weapon
proficiency
slots
Druid 23rd 6 363 637 174 6
Assassin 15th 1 500 001 NONE 6
Thief 17th 1 400 001 NONE 6
Monk 17th 3 250 001 NONE 9
Ranger 17th 2 363 637 NONE 8
Paladin 20th 3 818 183 NONE 12
Bard 23rd 3 000 001 +116 9
Illusionist 31st 4 840 001 +60 6
Cleric 38th 6 136 365 +70 11
Magic-User 49th 13 295 455 +66 9
Weapons Master 60th 22 500 001 +151 20
TOTALS 68 467 283 637 102

secondary skill: weaponsmith

Base movement base: 32"
Movement base adjustments: x3 from permanent potion of speed at double strength, x64 from II:O taken 6 times.
Movement base after adjustments: 6144", fly at 72"

Character Abilities
Strength: 25*
Intelligence: 19
Wisdom: 19
Dexterity: 19
Constitution: 19
Charisma: 21
Comeliness: 26

Saving Throws

Immunities (source):

  • gas of any type (I:EE)
  • all forms of cold (V:FF)
  • all forms of mental and psionic attack (V:EE)
  • fire/heat in a 20' radius (V:DD)
  • acid (permanent oil of acid resistance)
  • disease (being a paladin & monk)
  • haste (being a monk)
  • slow (being a monk)
  • poison (being a monk)
  • geas and quest spells (being a monk)
  • fear in a 1" radius (being a paladin)
  • cause fear, charm person, command, friends, & hypnotism spells (19 wisdom)
  • ... and others.

    Magic resistance: 50% from holy weapon, +5% from robe of the archmagi; total: 55%

    Languages: common, neutral, lawful evil, neutral evil, neutral good, lawful good, brownie, druidic, thieves' cant,

    Psionics
    Attack strength without adjustments: 192
    Defense strength without adjustments: 192
    Adjustments to psionic strength:

  • +40 psionic strength points from helm of telepathy
  • +50 psionic strength points from the 5 dull gray ioun stones
    Total attack strength: 282
    Total defense strength: 282
    Attack modes: all
    Defense modes: all
    +4 with psionic attacks from helm of telepathy
    Major disciplines: ALL
    Minor disciplines: ALL

    Weapons of proficiency: 75
    Non-proficiency penalty: -2
    Weapon of specialization: hand axe (double specialized)
    Cavalier weapons of choice: lance, broadsword, horseman's .

    Combat
    Base Armor Class: -3
    Base weaponless Armor Class: 0
    Armor Class adjustment due to dexterity: +5
    Armor Class adjustments due to magic:

  • +6 from ring of protection
  • +5 from cloak of protection
  • +1 from boots of striding and springing
  • +4 from permanent double-strength potion of invulnerability
  • +2 from staff of power
  • +22 from the Bracer of Irresistible Damage (I:G x10 and II:C)
  • +4 from the Ridiculous Pair of Gloves (I:G and II:C)
  • +2 from the Ridiculous Hand Axe (II:C) (not factored in below)
    Total Armor Class adjustment due to magic: +44
    Rear Armor Class: -45
    Weaponless Armor Class: -47
    Armor Class: -52
    To-hit adjustments: +3 with broadsword, +4 with mounted lance, +1 with unmounted lance, +3 with items of thunderbolts when hurled; +4 from dexterity, +7 in melee from strength; total: +11.
    Damage adjustments: +3 with broadsword, +21 with mounted lance, +6 with items of thunderbolts when hurled; +14 from strength, +260 from II:UU, +30 with melee weapon due to weapons master level, +3-17 from II:D; total: +304 (+2d8+1).
    Hit point adjustment due to constitution: +5 for h.p. earned as a weapons master, ranger, or paladin; +2 for h.p. earned as all other classes.
    Hit die type: all
    Hit points: 795
    Special adjustments: regenerate 1 h.p. per turn, or 1/2 melee attack damage.
    Never surprised.
    Base attacks per round with a melee weapon of specialization: 5
    Base attacks per round with other melee weapons of proficiency: 4
    Base attacks per round with non-proficient melee weapons: 2 (1 in the off-hand)
    Attacks per round adjustments: +1 with any weapon of speed, x3 from permanent potion of speed at double strength.

    Total wealth as coins/gems: 12 000 000 g.p.
    Experience points: 22,500,001 / +10% = 24,750,001

    Permanent spells: comprehend langauges, detect evil, detect good, detect invisibility, detect magic, infravision, protection from evil, protection from normal missiles, read magic, run, tongues, ultravision, and unseen servant.

    Permanent Potions: [all at twice normal strength, if applicable]
         all animal control, clairaudience, clairvoyance, evil dragon control, good dragon control, ESP, fire resistance, flying, hill giant control, stone giant control, frost giant control, fire giant control, cloud giant control, storm giant control, elf half-elf and human control, humanoid control, invulnerability, levitation, oil of slipperiness, philter of persuasiveness, plant control, polymorph (self), speed, treasure finding, ghast control, ghost control, ghoul control, shadow control, skeleton control, spectre control, wight control, wraith control, vampire control, zombie control, water breathing, fire breath, oil of acid resistance, oil of fire elemental invulnerability, oil of air elemental invulnerability, oil of earth elemental invulnerability, oil of water elemental invulnerability, rainbow hues, ventriloquism, and vitality.

    Spells Memorized by level and class/type
    CLASScasting
    level
    1st2nd 3rd4th5th6th7th8th 9th
    magic-user49th26 262626 262626 2626
    illusionist31st18 181818 181818
    cleric38th13 121112 101010
    druid23rd9 878 666
    bard13th8 767 5
    paladin20th6 545
    ranger druidic17th5 43
    ranger magic-user17th2 2

    Thieving skills
    Skill Base
    Chance
    Detxerity
    Adjustment
    Adjusted
    Chance
    Pick Pockets 125%+15%140%
    Open Locks 99%+20%119%
    Find/Remove Traps 99%+10%109%
    Move Silently 99%+12%111%
    Hide in Shadows 99%+12%111%
    Hear Noise 55%-55%
    Climb Walls 99.7%-99.7%
    Read Languages 80%-80%


    Ridiculous Sword's Items

    (* indicates an artifact)



    THE RIDICULOUS HAND AXE:* +6 holy vorpal defender flame-tongue frost-brand sun luckblade of wounding, dancing, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything (as in all of the arrows of the same name), disruption, {red, blue, green, white, black, brass, and copper dragon slayer = "all dragon slayer"}, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing.  Intelligence 17, ego 99 (personality 116), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment; 5 wishes.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Gold Dragon        Brownie          Shedu
    Druid             Ki-rin             Elvish           Common
    Thieves' Cant     Silver Dragon      Bronze Dragon
    
    Extraordinary Powers:
    "heal" twice per day
    "teleportation" twice per day, 600 lbs. maximum, two segments to activate
    determine directions and depth four times per day
    "flying" at 12" movement speed for one hour per day
    "telekinesis" twice per day, 250 lbs. maximum, one round per use.
    Special Purposes:
    overthrow chaos: disintegrate [law] upon a hit
    slay evil: +2 on saving throws, -1 on each die of damage [from evil]
    defeat/slay chaotic-evil: +2 on saves, -1 on each die of damage [from CE]
    slay evil: disintegrate [evil] upon a hit
    slay neutral or evil non-human monsters: +2 on all saving throws, -1 on each die of damage sustained [from neutral or evil non-human monsters]
    slay evil: +2 on all saving throws, -1 on each die of damage [from evil]
    overthrow chaos: +2 on saving throws, -1 on each die of damage [from chaos]
    slay evil: disintegrate [evil] upon a hit.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table I: Minor benign powers:  D Bless (by touch)
     E Clairaudience (when touched to the ear)
     F Clairvoyance (when touched to the eyes)
     Z Mind blank — 3 times/day
    EE Possessor immune to gas of any type
    FF Possessor need neither eat nor drink for up to 1 week
    HHRemove fear by touch
    Table II: Major benign powers: CC Paralyzation by touch
     DCause serious wounds by touch
     ODouble movement speed (on foot)
     RFear by touch or gaze
     C +2 to armor class of possessor or AC 0, whichever is better
     ICure blindness by touch
     JCure disease by touch
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table V: Prime powers: JJ Vision — 1 time/day
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)




    THE RIDICULOUS (BROAD)SWORD:* +6 holy vorpal dancing frost-brand flame-tongue defender sun blade of wounding, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything, disruption, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing. Intelligence 17, ego 82 (personality 99), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Brass Dragon       Pseudo-Dragon    Nixie
    Neutral           Gnomish            Dwarvish         Neutral-Good
    Lawful-Neutral    Copper Dragon      Pixie
    
    Extraordinary Powers and Special Purposes:
    Same as The Ridiculous Hand Axe.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table I: Minor benign powers:  Z Mind blank — 3 times/day
    DDPossessor immune to fear
    FF Possessor need neither eat nor drink for up to 1 week
    OOUltravision when held or worn
    TTWearer immune to magic missiles
    Table II: Major benign powers:  O Double movement speed (on foot)
    NNTeleport (no error) — 2 times/day
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)




    THE RIDICULOUS LONGSWORD:* +6 holy vorpal dancing flame-tongue frost-brand defender sun blade of wounding, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything, disruption, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing. Intelligence 17, ego 81 (personality 98), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Lawful-Evil        Impish           Blink Dog
    Chaotic-Good      Neutral-Evil       Orcish           Common
    Chaotic-Neutral   Chaotic-Evil       Kobold
    
    Extraordinary Powers and Special Purposes:
    Same as above.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table I: Minor benign powers:  K Darkness (5', 10', or 15' radius) — 3 times/day
     T Hypnotic pattern (when moved) — 3 times/day
     ZMind blank — 3 times/day
    PP Ventriloquism upon command — 3 times/day
    Table II: Major benign powers:  O Double movement speed (on foot)
    NNTeleport (no error) — 2 times/day
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)




    THE RIDICULOUS DAGGER:* +6 holy vorpal dancing frost-brand flame-tongue defender sun blade of wounding, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything, disruption, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing. Intelligence 17, ego 77 (pers. 94), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Stone Giant        Frost Giant      Dryad
    Lizard Man        Cloud Giant        Storm Giant      Nymph
    Hill Giant        Fire Giant         Titan
    
    Extraordinary Powers and Special Purposes:
    Same as above.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table II: Major benign powers:  O Double movement speed (on foot)
    NNTeleport (no error) — 2 times/day
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)




    THE RIDICULOUS PAIR OF GLOVES:* +6 holy vorpal dancing frost-brand flame-tongue defender sun blades of wounding, sharpness, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything, contradisruption, ogre power, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing. Intelligence 17, ego 79 (personality 96), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Goblin             Hobgoblin         Bugbear
    Ochre Jelly       Green Slime        Yellow Mold       Brown Mold
    Gray Ooze         Black Pudding      Brain Mole
    
    Extraordinary Powers and Special Purposes:
    Same as above.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table II: Major benign powers:  O Double movement speed (on foot)
     C +2 to armor class of possessor or AC 0, whichever is better
    GGProtection +2 when held or worn
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)




    THE OTHER RIDICULOUS PAIR OF GLOVES:* +6 holy vorpal dancing frost-brand flame-tongue defender sun blades of wounding, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, slaying everything, contradisruption, ogre power, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing. Intelligence 17, ego 77 (personality 94), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Thought Eater      Mind Flayer      Intellect Devourer
    Blast Puppy       Couatl             Platinum Dragon  Jive
    Red Dragon        White Dragon       Blue Dragon
    
    Extraordinary Powers and Special Purposes:
    Same as above.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table II: Major benign powers:  O Double movement speed (on foot)
    NNTeleport (no error) — 2 times/day
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)





    Other Weapons: +2 maul of the titans, +3 mattock of the titans, +3 staff of striking (25 charges), rod of lordly might (50 charges), +1 heavy lance.


    THE BRACER OF IRRESISTIBLE DAMAGE:*
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table I: Minor benign powers: GG x10 Protection +2 when held or worn each, total +20
    Table II: Major benign powers:  C +2 to armor class of possessor or AC 0, whichever is better
    UU x100 Weapon damage is +2 hit points each, total +200
    Table V: Prime powers: DD Total fire/heat resistance for all creatures within 20' of the item
    EE Total immunity from all forms of mental and psionic attacks
    FF Total immunity from all forms of cold
    HH(3)cast 3rd & 4th level spells simultaneously
    HH(4)cast 1st, 2nd, & 3rd level spells simultaneously



    Rings: x-ray vision, regeneration, vampiric regeneration, shooting stars, wizardry (1st-3rd level), wizardry (4th & 5th level), wizardry (6th & 7th level), wizardry (8th level), wizardry (9th level), swimming, air elemental command, earth elemental command, fire elemental command, water elemental command, protection +6/+1, protection +3 (5 foot radius), telekinesis (400 lbs. maximum), spell turning, free action, sustenance, truth, good faerie, chameleon power, Boccob, animal friendship, blinking, mind shielding, jumping, shocking grasp, and shocking grasp.



    Other Magic Items:
    pearl of wisdom (DONE)               +5 cloak of protection
    stone of good luck (luckstone)       helm of telepathy
    boots of striding and springing      helm of teleportation
    staff of power (25 charges)          8 destruction spells on one scroll
    staff of the magi (25 charges)       two portable holes
    rod of absorption (50/ 0)            crystal ball with clairaudience
    10 rods of cancellation              200 pearls of power (2 1st-level each)
    cube of force (36 charges)           200 pearls of power (2 2nd-level each)
    5 dull gray ioun stones              200 pearls of power (2 3rd-level each)
    10 lavender-&-green ioun stones      200 pearls of power (2 4th-level each)
    iridescent ioun stone                200 pearls of power (2 5th-level each)
    robe of eyes                         200 pearls of power (2 6th-level each)
    black robe of the archmagi           400 pearls of power (7th-level)
    detectionproof amulet                400 pearls of power (8th-level)
    scarab of protection +2              400 pearls of power (9th-level)
    Ollamh harp                          cloak of displacement
    pipes of the sewers                  helm of brilliance
    horn of blasting                     dust of appearence (50 containers)
    drums of panic                       dust of disappearence (50 containers)
    lyre of building                     necklace of adaptation
    gauntlets of dexterity (DONE)        sphere of annihilation
    talisman of the sphere (110%)        spoon of stirring
    Zagyg's Spell Component Case (7x)    mantle of Celestian
    robe of stars                        gem of insight (DONE)
    scarab versus any golems             cloak of arachnida
    


    Mundane Items:

    small keep                           greater mistletoe
    continual light flashlight           adamantite holy symbol
    continual light torch
    

    Ridiculous Sword's Brownie

    Name: The Ridiculous Brownie
    Strength: 25*
    Intelligence: 19
    Wisdom: 18
    Dexterity: 19
    Consitution: 18
    Charisma: 18/50
    Comeliness: 23
    Hit dice: 16
    Hit points: 210
    Armor Class: -24 (rear AC -17)
    Weapons: The Ridiculous Short Sword, The Other Ridiculous Short Sword
    Attacks per round: 9
    Damage per attack: 48-58 (+3-17 cause serious wounds) +paralysis
    Saving throws: As a 16th-level fighter, +12
    Surprised: never
    Psionic attack/defense strength: 270/270
    Psionic attack/defense modes: all/all
    Psionic major/minor disciplines: ALL/ALL

    Permanent Potions: Speed#, Climbing, ESP#, clairvoyance#, clairaudience#, fire resistance#, oil of slipperiness, invulnerability#, polymorth (self), flying#, philter of persuasiveness#, heroism, heroism, heroism, heroism, heroism, super heroism, super heroism# [# = double strength]

    Languages: Lawful-Good, Brownie, Elvish, Pixieish, Sprite, Halfling, Common

    Permanent Spells: comprehend languages, protection from evil, protection from normal missiles, detect invisibility, detect magic, detect good, detect evil, run, tongues, infravision, ultravision, read magic, unseen servant.


    THE RIDICULOUS SHORT SWORD:* +6 vorpal defender frost-brand flame-tongue sun luckblade of wounding, dancing, throwing, thunderbolts, life stealing, disruption, slaying everything, all dragon slayer, speed, final word, and 9 lives stealing.  Intelligence 17, ego 96 (personality 138), speech and telepathy, read languages, read magic, lawful-good alignment; 5 wishes.

    Languages Spoken:
    Lawful-Good       Gold Dragon        Brownie          Shedu
    Druid             Ki-rin             Elvish           Common
    Thieves' Cant     Silver Dragon      Bronze Dragon
    
    Extraordinary Powers:
    Same as above.
    Special Purposes:
    Same as above.
    Artifact Powers and Effects: entry description
    Table I: Minor benign powers:  D Bless (by touch)
     E Clairaudience (when touched to the ear)
     F Clairvoyance (when touched to the eyes)
     Z Mind blank — 3 times/day
    CCPossessor immune to disease
    DDPossessor immune to fear
    EE Possessor immune to gas of any type
    FF Possessor need neither eat nor drink for up to 1 week
    HHRemove fear by touch
    Table II: Major benign powers: CC Paralyzation by touch
     DCause serious wounds by touch
     ODouble movement speed (on foot)
     RFear by touch or gaze
     C +2 to armor class of possessor or AC 0, whichever is better
     ICure blindness by touch
     JCure disease by touch
    UU x5Weapon damage is +2 hit points (total +10)
    Table III: Minor malevolent effects:  W Yearning for item forces possessor to never be away from it for more than 1 day if at all possible
    Table IV: Major malevolent effects:  E Item has power to affect its possessor when a primary power is used if the character has not followed the alignment or purposes of the artifact/relic
     CGeas/quest placed upon possessor
    Table V: Prime powers: DD Total fire/heat resistance for all creatures within 20' of the item
    EE Total immunity from all forms of mental and psionic attacks
    FF Total immunity from all forms of cold
    HH(3)cast 3rd & 4th level spells simultaneously
    HH(4)cast 1st, 2nd, & 3rd level spells simultaneously
    Table VI: Side effects:  A Alignment of possessor permanently changed to that of item
     L User has limited omniscience and may request the DM to answer 1 question per game day (limitations set by DM's discretion)


    Other Items:
    amulet of proof against detection and location
    +6 full plate armor                   ring of wizardry (1st-3rd level)
    +6/+1 ring of protection              ring of wizardry (4th level)
    +5 cloak of protection                helm of telepathy
    The Other Ridiculous Short Sword*     5 orbiting dull gray ioun stones
    scarab of protection                  amulet of the planes
    dust of appearance (50 containers)    dust of disappearance (50 containers)
    necklace of adaptation                gauntlets of ogre power
    +3 (5' radius) ring of protection     helm of brilliance
    ring of regeneration                  vampiric ring of regeneration
    portable hole
    


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