80 Femtocomputing
Octember 1984 issue
Copyright © 1981 by Roger M. Wilcox. All rights reserved.
The original draft was written on my dad's mechanical typewriter, accompanied
by hand-drawn illustrations — such as they were. Every image you see was
scanned in from the original, although some pages suffered water damage over
the years. All non-image text was transcribed in exactly the format it
originally appeared. The lack of an = key on the original mechanical typewriter
means all = signs were originally written in by hand.
All spellings, punctuation, capitalizations, etc. are as in the
original.
You have been warned.
6. ANOTHER STAR-TRAK GAME -- Surprise, 80-micro!
10. SMALLDOS -- Howza bout a DOS for a 16K femtocomputer?!
14. DICE SIMULATOR -- 80-femto's biggest program ever printed!
16. CAPTAIN TAPEDRIVE -- The Creped Avenger strikes again!
21. DECOMPILER -- slow down thas speedy CMD program!
25. THE DUKES OF M*A*S*H -- Car chases in Korea.
29. MARS ROVER ADVENTURE -- Control a robot on the surface of the
reddest desert planet known.
31. NEWS FROM POKER TABLE SOFTWARE, INC. -- by David Bush
3. 80-REMarks -- non-existing mail about our first issue.
33. REVOLT! -- Start your own Communist country.
35. BLINKY, PINKY, INKY, and CLYDE -- a fast, all-BASIC Pac Dude.
COMING NEXT MONTH
a full moon
1
BIG HIVE SOFTWARE
by Bill Hoagie
┌──────┐
│ROBOT │ Guess what?! You know what this game does. Once
│ │
│ATTACK│ again, despite the fantastic graphics knowlege
└──────┘
of Hoagie and Con-you, the sound effects, with the
exception of the voice synthesis, are bad enough
to drive you BERSERK!
┌──────┐
│ATTACK│ This is Billy & Jeffy's first game where they got
│ │
│FORCE │ the idea of speeding up the enemies as your score
└──────┘
gets higher. I think they did an excellent job
with the sound and graphics -- don't you?
┌────────┐
│ TANK │ Based on a vector-screen arcade game in which you
│ │
│ ATTACK │ get ATTACKed by tanks and helicopters while out
└────────┘
on a Sunday drive in your jeep. With bad sound!
┌────────┐
│ GOBLIN │ Here we go again with another version of Pac Dude!
│ │
│ ATTACK │ This used to be the best, until we at 80-femto got
└────────┘
our hands on "Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde."
┌───────┐
│HEART │ That's what you'll get from playing these games
│ │
│ATTACK │ 24 hours a day for ten years!
└───────┘
Big Hive Software
Post 747 Honeycomb St.
Van Kratner, CA 30000
1-(213)-555-BILL
2
80-REMarks
Dear 80-femtocomputing,
I must have gotten a bad copy of your Septober 80-Femto.
Tell me, what was on the last page?
Oh, just a description of Duel-M-Droids.
Hey, ya wanna buy a joint?
No thanks. I'm not interested in purchasing a bar or pub.
I'm interested in knowing just what the big deal was over
"Empire Wars!". Just what kind of program was it, anyway?
Who knows. Probably someone's feeble attempt at Android Numb.
Hey, man, like I just wanted to say, like those hints in
"Slant," man? They're real cool. Like, they really helped me,
'cause like, my head is twisted sideways, totally. Thanx, man!
You're from Southern California, right?
Well, according to your Septober '84 issue, the Octember
80-femtocomputing is going to be a letter-bomb. So here I put
my fond farewell to the world, as with this issue, I explode.
Oh yeah? You and whose army?!?
I know how to fix TRSDOS 87.4 so that it won't start think-
ing with a mind of its own! Try: POKE 564893, 784.
That's good advice, but will TRSDOS 87.4 allow you to do
something like that?
Isn't it amazing how no one has bothered with making a
model V version of T-Bug?!? Probably because T-Bug went out
with the purple plague. But for you TRaSh-80 buffs, here's
what you need to change: M 435A 36 00.
I tried it, and this doesn't do a damn thing for the program
except cause it to load in RSM from the disk, which is just as
well. █
3
INSTANTANEOUS SOFTWARE
DISNEY ADVENTURE: Level II 16 K (tape to disk)
Model I & III BASIC with USR routines
This game was made as a protest to Biff & Spudd Mutt's
"Darth Dreadnought." It has been rated G by its author due
to descriptions of Bambi eating grass, Cinderella riding in
a carriage, and singing dwarves. This is a simple treasure
hunt adventure, in which you must find a million dollars in
gold eggs, the last Applegate treasure, and a few riddles
leading you to a large combined hoarde. With sound effects!
PRICE: $ 14.95 for adventurers, $ 15,95 for Disney freaks
MOOLA ATTACK: Level I & up 16¼ K (don't you just hate us!)
Model I & up machine talk
In this so-called "game," your starbase is attacked by alien
invaders which look suspiciously like I.R.S. auditors. Instead
of accumulating points, you get from ten to five hundred bucks
for each illegal alien you shoot down. Superb voice sound
effects include, "Your money or your wife," "Hand it over, Joe,"
and "The government'll get you for this!!!"
PRICE: $ 14.95 in back taxes
FIREBALL FREAK: Level IIIIIIII 25 bytes (tape or disk)
Model IIIIIIII COBALT language
This program does nothing more than turn your computer in-
stantaneously and irrevocably into a fireball, which lasts only
instantaneously. Now you know why we're called, "Instantaneous
Software!" With sound effects!
PRICE: about two bucks.
This advertizement continued next paige?!?
4
Instantaneous Software
GOON CRESTA: Level II 16 K (amazingly enough)
Model I & III machine lingo again
Didn't think we'd market a program like this one,did you?
Well, with the requirements for this program, it's right up
our freeway. It requires either a Grafix-80 or ERAM high-res
attachment in addition to the Crayon-kit color modification.
We would normally sell the color-80 version of this program,
but that version requires no additional hardware. And that's
just not our style. By the way, this program would have taken
up 48 K of RAM had it not been for the sub-machine scrunching
techniques first pioneered in Tiny Adventure. With sound ef-
fects, of course.
PRICE: the usual $ 14.95 for tape, $ 19.95 for disk
------------
We have a whole 500-page catalog just loaded with other pro-
grams (most of them much more boring than these). If you are
interested in looking at it, write to us, and we'll send you
back a note saying, "Curiosity kills the cat."
Instantaneous Software
a division of Instantaneous Coffee
1974 Memory lane
San Nicholas, ZX 98765
(don't call us - we're purposefully unlisted!)
5
ANOTHER STAR-TRAK GAME
After playing an early Simutek version of Star-Trek, the
idea came into my head to write my own version of Star-Trek.
After studying the programming technique used by Good ol'
Simutek inc., I pirated most of them, and then implimented a
few new ideas of my own.
The result was a very fast, all-BASIC version of Star-Trek,
which I appropriately named after the title on this very page.
Unlike my previous non-adventure program, Empire Wars!, this
program was actually good! Now then, since numerous other Star-
Trek games were already on the market, I figured I might as
well forget about sending it in to the big software companies,
but what about a publication like 80-microcomputing?...
And would you believe it, they turned it down! I gave them
probably the best non-adventure program I've ever written, and
all they said was, "We feel it is an area that has been ad-
equately covered." The Dummies!
Well, now, of course, any TRaSh-80 owner worth his weight in
manure knows the meaning of the words, "Another Star-Trak Game."
I am proud to be the author of the biggest selling space war
game since, "STARFIGHTER."
So, pooey on youey, 80-microcomputing! You had your chance,
but Bad-Lode software took it away from you!!! █
6
THE PROGRAM STOAR
TOTALLY, FOR SURE: Level headed dude it's oh-K (slipped disk)
Model construction surfer's language
Like wow, man! Cowadunga! Now you can simulate living in
world-infamous Southern California, even if you live in some
far-off place like Watts or Bakersfield. Comes complete with
seven disks (all of which must be loaded in at once) and a one-
word sheet of documentation containing the password. If the
correct password is not entered, all seven disks will be
crashed (we've got this thing down better than Space Vaiders!).
If the correct password is entered, each disk will dump its
own 1200 K of data into the TRaSh-80's memory in just one and
one-half short hours. Simulate living in the land of earth-
quakes down to every detail, including surfing, skateboarding,
getting mugged in a dark alley, choking on smog, and getting
mauled by "punkers." No adventure or CFS parsers to worry about
here -- you're really in southern California! With smell effects!
PRICE: either 3 hits of acid or an ounce of grass
GIANT ADVENTURE: (oh, screw the parameters!)
Once upon a time, a dude tried to put a "Zork" parser onto
original Adventure. The results were impressive, but why stop
there? He soon worked in the original Zork, all of Scott Adam's
adventures (numbers 1 thru 18), all of Greg Hassock's advents,
all the adventures from The Programmer's Guilt and Bad-Lode,
every other adventure known to exist, and then added some little
things of his own. The resulting program took up almost all of the
available infinity K of RAM, but was none the less fantastic.
PRICE: almost infinity bucks
this advertizement continued next Paige?!?
7
The Program Stoar
COMPUTER SIMULATOR: any Level No K (tape, disk, etc.)
any Model SYSTEM format
The idea for this program came when someone just learning
to use T-Bug decided to write to tape a block of memory zero
bytes in length (P 4A00 49FF 0000 ZIPPO). The resulting tape
contained the following: a 255-byte leader consisting of zeroes,
the synchronization code (A5H), the file name header code (55H),
the file name (ZIPPO) padded with trailing blanks (20H), the
entry point header code (whatever), and the entry point (00H).
The resulting program caused an immediate jump to "MEMORY SIZE?"
(MEM SIZE, Cass, etc.). This would normally be cause for saying,
"Unh," but our wild and witty programmer would not be Unhed so
easily. He reapeated the same process, only this time using the
file name, "SIMULA," for Simulator. The program itself wasn't
too inovative, but the idea was, so he sent this program up
to us under the name, "Computer Simulator." And he also sent
up our advertizement:
"Now, you too can pretend that you own a TRaSh-80 femtocomputer!
This new program will simulate the operation of your very computer
down to the last minute detail! With optional sound!"
PRICE: tape 3¢, disk 4¢, stringy floppy 3½¢
The program stoar wishes to thank
absolutely no one
for making their profits possible
this advertizement continued next Paige?!?
8
The Program Stoar
UP YOUR ASCII: no parameters whatsoever
Tired of the same old boring, routine ASCII computer code?
Then you may or may not need "Up Your ASCII!" With this handy,
dandy little gem of a program, you can convert that (yicch!)
ASCII display of yours into IBM's brilliant, resonant EBCDIC
characters! How would you like to PRINT CHR$(34), and get the
number "7"?!? Sounds real neat, huh? This program requires no
additional hardware, since it was hard enough to make in the
first place. However, EBCDIC compatibility is one thing - IBM
compatibility is another. So, get "Up Your ASCII," and say
good-bye to the real world and your graphics forever.
PRICE: $ 22.95 from us, $ 4.95 from a garage sale
------------
Our entire stock of other programs is not only sold out, but
never really existed. Sorry to you fans of Larry and Scott! So
why don't you dudes drown your sorrows and get "Totally, for
Sure" or "Giant Adventure" or "Computer Simulation" or "Up Your
ASCII" or something?
The Program Stoar
a division of
The Program Stoar, Inc.
P.O. Box -41
New York, MN 987612345
call (198)-PRO-GRAM
9
SMALLDOS
So, you finally went out and got yourself a desk drive.
Well, that's just great - except for the fact that due to
the new move from the Nationalist World Government, the sale
of memory expansion kits has been outlawed!
Now your computer is stuck with a disk system that runs on
16 K of memory. Now then, how are you going to do anything with
a pip-squeak memory allocation that takes up 8 K for things
like DOS and CMD space?
The answer is simple: get yourself a smaller version of DOS!
But where can you find a DOS that takes up such little memory?
Another simple answer : get SmallDOS! The creators of this tiny
Desk Operating System were also the same people who made up
"Crunch, Scrunch, and Concentrate," their own private little
program that resulted in Tiny Adventure and other such excur-
sions. SmallDOS, their shrunked version of DOS minus, is their
laterst outburst, which I'm sure they were able to make with only
a few keystroke commands.
Why those guys don't want to market Crunch, Scrunch, and Con-
centrate is beyond me, though I'll bet they just want to bleed
everyone dry by selling the programs individually. Anywho, Small-
DOS does have quite a range of capabilities.
Not the least of these abilities (that are caped) is Unbug.
This little program is quite similar to Debug, except that it
was made in an attempt to combine the DEBUG command in DOS
minus with the actual "Debug" program. The attempt resulted in
the discovery of an entirely new Z-80 block command: JPIR. The
authors liked this block-jump command so much that they equip-
10
SmallDOS
ped Unbug to do nothing but change regular machine language
commands to JPIR, whose code, by the way, is ED FQ hexadecimal.
Another useful feature of SmallDOS is "Crunch," which will
do the first step of "Crunch, Scrunch, and Concentrate." The
purpose of "Crunch" is simply to put the program into a special
code designed specifically for the purpose of that particular
program. However, without the right means of reading this code,
the Z-80 CPU will only get confused and tend to lock up and/or
reboot. Evidently the clarity of the code is established by
"Scrunch and Concentrate," or at least one of the two.
Still another useful utility included with smallDOS is the
single command "Memory." This command will tell the user if
the TRaSh-80 has 16, 32, or 48 K of RAM, which the user is
probably already aware of and doesn't need to be informed about.
At first, the creators of SmallDOS were going to omit this
command, but at last they decided to keep it in, along with
the command "Device," which is just as useless.
The DEF command has been upgraded to being able to actually
DEFine commands as functions. This is very useful for doing
machine language LPRINT routines, since all it does is relocate
the jump vectors for the command specified. This new DEF com-
mand works on every BASIC command in just the same way, except
for the command END. When I tried DEF END, I got a game pro-
gram in which you have to blast away at landers while saving
ten little humanoids.
There are lots of these useful little commands, such as
ORDER, which causes the computer to respond with either, "Big
Mac or Medium Mac," or, "Yes sir, sir!!!". But powerful (and/
or powerless) commands are not the only advantages to the new
11
SmallDOS
SmallDOS besides its size....
Figure one shows an operating version of SmallDOS running
on all TRaSh-80's modelled I through VI. As you can't see,
SmallDOS has compatibility with all Z-80 based systems (actually,
there are separate versions for model I & III and model II & IV,
but who really cares anyway. Although the model V and VI ver-
sions were actually faked and don't really exist, the model
II & IV version is 100% compatible with the TRaSh-80 Kuller
Kumpewter.)
The single most awesome feature of SmallDOS is the included
program "Chipglop." This little gem of a program does exactly
what its name suggests: it will take any chip inside the user's
TRaSh-80 and turn it into glop. For a moment, I thought they were
joking; such commands only work in TRSDOS 87.4. But by watching
the computer carefully, I found out exactly how this command
program works: since machine (or in this case, sub-machine)
language works faster than the eye can follow, SmallDOS simply
orders out for guacamole,and while it's waiting out the few
milliseconds, it calls in a TRaSh-80 repair man to rip out the
chip you wanted to glop so badly.
This is one hell of a buff DOS. If anyone disagrees with me,
I can be certain they won't be around for long. █
┌───────────────────────┐
│ │ "Crunch, scrunch, and
│ │ Concentrate uses the same
│ │ methods that people use
│ │ to print a whole novel on
│ │ their license plate"
│ │ – Scott Adama
│ │
│ │
└───────────────────────┘
Figure 1. Over-exposed
12
BAD LODE SOFTWARE
One more plug for
Space Warrior -- a "City and the Stars" type Adventure
Space-N-Vaders -- call me in about a year
Another Star-Trak Game -- new and improved - I hope!
Interception -- wow! It even saves the high score!
--------------
All of these games do exist! I swear! Cross my CPU and hope
to crash! However, no big-time dummies have ever bothered to
marcket these here games. I have at least 20 different games
in stock, all made by me, Roger M. Wilcox. So, if you want to
get your paws on them, call me at (213)-828-8830 any time between
1 pm and 1:05 pm.
Bad-Lode Software
1102 23rd st.
Santa Monica, CA 90403
13
DICE SIMULATOR
I'll tell you right now, I just finished reading the Level
I instruction manual, and am I excited about this program here,
a real random doozie? Of course I am! Once, I lost one of the
dice out of a crap game monopoly set, and needed a replacement.
Rushing back to my Level I manual, I found just what I had been
looking for: a random number generator!
I quickly typed in this program, and saved it to tape for
later use. I soon found it so versatile that I felt everyone
should know about it.
This little 22 byte program can be of use to almost anybody.
Imagine, the power of a die in the portability of a massive
TRaSh-80! I hope you like it. █
┌───────────────┐
│ 10 X = RND(6) │
│ │
│ 20 PRINT X │
└───────────────┘
-- The writer of this article was put in a mental institute
just six short hours after we got this article. We don't know
how or why he was put there.
And if you believe that, I have some snake oil to sell you!
14
AVENGER IRRATIONAL
AVENGER # 16: the usual
This is Scott Adama's latest excursion, Mongoose Adventure.
It involves the least liked part of Avenger # 2 along with
the stupid commands involved in Avenger # 11 about manipulating
your body. Actually, the Avenger wouldn't be so bad if it had
a solid plot, but instead, you are a mongoose/squirrel who
has to hold his breath and open his eyes. With sound effects!
PRICE: the usual
SMALLDOS: all levels one byte (disk of course)
all models sub-machine language
Remember the review a few pages back? Well, here it isn't!
The one DOS that reminds you of both Upchuck-DOS and Tiny Ad-
venture! In case you're wondering why we can sell disks and
tapes so cheap, like say, for 25 or 30 cents with a program on
it, you haven't been keeping up with your current events. Disks
and tapes can now be mined straight out of the asteroid belt;
do you know how great it feels to stick your shovel into the
ground and pull out a C-30 cassette?!?
Anyway, since this has nothing to do with either SmallDOS
or Avenger Irrational, I'll continue my stream of gibberish.
SmallDOS is real good. I mean real good. And me and my boys
don't want nobody thinkin' it's not good. And my boys thinks
that not buyin' it means you don't like it. Get the message,
fat boy? (great shake-down, huh?)
PRICE: an offer youse can't refuse
Avenger Irrational
The alley behind Rocky's pizza,
No Man's Land, NE 70403
(ask for "Scott")
15
THE ADVENTURES OF CAPTAIN TAPEDRIVE
No, this is not an article about an Adventure game, although
that doesn't sound like too bad of an idea. We are going to
look into the exploits of the hardly known super hero, Captain
Tapedrive, also known as the "Creped Avenger." Whoever we are,
we're not quite certain....
Captain Tapedrive was born at about the time the first TRaSh
80 was sold. As he grew up through childhood, he realized
that he wasn't like all the other commands and programs that
were his friends - he was a piece of hardware! Realizing the
potential of something like this, he decided to devote the
rest of his entire life to the protection of goodness and
niceness. And so, when all the other users around him had their
tape drives break down, Captain Tapedrive remained standing.
The first threat to the sanctity Captain Tapedrive had pro-
tected was a little piece of hardware called, "Level II ROM."
He was reluctant about his user installing this new chip into
the TRaSh-80 at first, but after a while he got used to it.
In fact, this new chip was an improvement over his old system
of operating; it made him save programs at 500 baud, thus
doubling Captain Tapedrive's power.
And yet, there were some things about this new ROM that
frightened him. There was the old friendly group of CLOAD,
CSAVE, PRINT #, INPUT #, and even the newly acquired SYSTEM;
but then there were these sinister-looking commands such as
LOAD, SAVE, OPEN, CLOSE, and CMD. However, these commands
seemed to be safe, dormant nothings, since the fixed-RAM jump
co-ordinates for them simply led to ?L3 ERROR, whatever that
meant.
Then suddenly, about half a year later, his user came in
16
The Adventures of Captain Tapedrive
with a gigantic, ominous piece of hardware. Its name was a long
one: "Expansion Interface," which sounds like someone just
grabbed your face and s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d it out. It had no mov-
ing parts except for a couple of on-board relays, but still it
was more than twice the size of Captain T.D..
'Interface?' the Creped avenger thought. 'I've heard that
word somewhere before.... Oh, yes! Now I remember. That's what
you call a device that's hooked up with a computer which will
allow you to communicate with outside hardware.'
'HARDWARE?!?!?' The very word made him gasp. Why for all he
knew, the next alien piece of hardware (gasp) that would in-
vade this perfectly balanced system could be a (shudder) ...
DISK DRIVE! If that were true, then his little friends
CLOAD and CSAVE he had known and loved would surely die.
A few days later, his fears were realized. As his user came
in from getting the mail, he held a large parcel under one arm
marked, "Ha, Captain T! This is a Disk Drive!" How about that.
A bullet with his name on it.
He set the package down on the table and watched the disk
drive slowly hatch its way out. Its feathers were wet at first,
but it quickly dried out in about a minute. The Creped Avenger
was awe-struck at this spectacle. How come he had to be unwrap-
ped when he first arrived? The new hardware makers had struck
again....
In the distance of another room, the front doorbell rang.
This was the chance C.T. had been waiting for. As soon as his
user was well out of the room, the Creped Avenger lept high in
the air and landed on his benevolent prey.
17
The Adventures of Captain Tapedrive
He took out his trusty AC adaptor and attempted to lasso
his high-speed enemy. But the Disk Drive would not be taken in
so easily; with a blast from his high-speed rotor, he knocked
the cord clean away.
Now Captain Tapedrive was angry. He lept up much closer,
and began to do battle with his cord, handle, hatch, and six
buttons, all at point-blank range. The Disk Drive tried des-
perately to counter each attack with what little he had (cord,
data bus, latch, and rotor, and would have been done-for if
not for his own high speed.
Captain Tapedrive moved in for the kill as he pressed "Fast-
Forward." Just then, his user, hearing the clash of plastic,
rushed back into the room. Sitting there on the table, as in-
nocent as two pieces of hardware, were the two pieces of hard-
ware. A bit banged up, but who'd notice.
'That's strange,' thought the user. 'I put only the Disk
Drive on that table. Well, I guess that gave the both of them
a little time to get acquainted.' If he only knew.
He picked the two of them up, and brought them to the com-
puter's side. Captain Tapedrive knew what that disk system
would do to CLOAD and CSAVE, but all he could do now was turn
to it and say, "Someday, I'm gonna crash you!"
As the days crept by, the user became more and more acquain-
ted with the disk system and the DOS, and began to neglect the
CLOAD command and Captain Tapedrive more and more. The Creped
avenger could almost read the exact thoughts of the Disk Drive:
"Now, little CLOAD command, you will DIE!!!"
Captain Tapedrive had to destroy the evil disk system before
Level II BASIC ROM was suddenly converted into EPROM and perman-
18
The Adventures of Captain Tapedrive
ently erased. He waited until the last second to implement his
newly-conceived plan of destruction. Then suddenly, his user
began to do a sector-by-sector search of his most loaded disk,
crammed with important arcade games of which there were no back-
up copies. This was the chance C.T. had been waiting for. He
began to send out binary thought waves to the disk, a technique
which he had never been able to do before. The thought waves
said only one thing: "FASTER!!!"
And so, faster and faster went the disk drive, mounting in
speed and in rotor pitch. Smoke began to pour out from the air
vents in back of the disk. Its user pushed reset; that did
nothing. He turned the system off; still, nothing. He reached
down to the outlet and pulled the plug from the disk drive in
panic...
But by then, it was already too late. The disk had melted,
the drive's rotor had seized up, and finally, the drive itself
short-circuited.
"You lousy drives are all alike!" the user shouted. "I'm
getting rid of you once and for all!!"
He ripped the drive right off of its data bus, and kicked
it across the room, out an open window, and into a pile of a
dog's masterpiece.
--------
Captain Tapedrive sat lazily around, loading in a program
at over 4,000 baud with the use of his fast-forward key. Sud-
denly, he picked up a signal with his audio sensors. Could it
be? Yes, it was!
His user was talking to someone on the phone about a hookup
with a stringy floppy!... █
19
ARPHA PRODUCTS
Now! From
the company that pirated
Acari's Joysticks,
we bring you:
TRACK BALL: great for rolling around on footprints or train rails.
PURPLE SCREEN: is green too boring for ya?
BLACK SCREEN: to hell with that CRT display!
SC-78503: a real Starfighter with real hypercharge to combat
real Exxonerators and Kluster Chucks.
BUBBLE SORT ROM: sort out your bubbles just by turning on your
little femtocomputer!
--------------
Although the SC-78503 isn't exactly a piece of hardware,
we're selling it anyway for the low, low cost of just 200
thousand bank balance Sovereigns. Everything else is priced
in normal, boring U.S. dollars. To get a listing of the pri-
ces, you'll have to order a joystick. So, send $39.95 to:
I Wanna Have A Joystick
P.O.d box INKANGAROO-408
Hollyweird, VD 84307
(213)-555-ARPH
20
DECOMPILER
So, you've just bought your new TRaSh-80. You don't need to
worry too much about programming the thing; you've programmed
computers in BASIC before.
Hey, this is a pretty neat arcade game program here; you
want to know how it works. Wait a minute! It's in machine
language! You barely even know what assembly language looks
like; you've never had any training in Z-80 assembly. That
little disassembler is absolutely no help at all!
Does this incident sound familiar to you? Maybe a few years
ago, yes! But nowadays nobody really gives a frac about whether
they can read assembly language or not; they either know the
assembler or just play the games.
However, there are a dauntless few BASICusers who would
like to know how a particular machine language program works,
but are too stupid to read the Assembly language book. And
for them, we have the "Decompiler."
As its name suggests, "DCMPIL" takes a machine language
program and converts it not into Assembly, but actual BASIC!
Thus, this brilliant program changes the code 3E FF not into
"LD A,255" but into "A = 255." As you might guess, this is
grossly inefficient, especially when loading a two-byte reg-
ister pair.
Fortunately, the program is smart enough to know which ROM
calls do what; for instance, CALL 33H is PRINT CHR$(A), and
CALL 2BH is A = ASC(INKEY$). The LDIR command, which is usually
a bear, is simply FOR BC = BC TO 0 STEP -1 : POKE DE, PEEK (HL):
DE = DE+1 : HL = HL+1 : NEXT. This looks just great at first, but
when you start thinking about the fact that HL has to split up
into the registers H and L, you can start to see the problems.
Each decompiled program begins with the statement DEFINT A-Z.
21
Decompiler
Most of you readers out there might just say, "So what?" to
this, but us real programmers know exactly what's wrong
with the DEFINT statement. And if you can't tell, then you're ob-
viously not a real programmer and have no right to be reading
this article. (Had you worried, didn't I?!?)
Remember what William Barden, Jr. said in his book, "TRaSh-
80 Assembly Language Programming?" He said, "Assembly language
will enable you to run a program in 4K that requires 24K in
BASIC." Well, the modern compilers are the obvious exception
to this rule; in fact, they almost have the memory usages
switched around between Assembly and BASIC. Ater all, what can
you say when a program that says "10 PRINT 20 END" takes all
of 300 bytes compiled?
Anywho, back to the subject at hand, you'd probably think
that the Decompiler would double or triple the memory usage
upon converting a program to BASIC. Well, this just isn't the
case; and that's the one true virtue of this program. A 14K
machine language program will fit into 10K once decompiled!
So it seems that the compile/decompiple works out perfectly and
just like you'd expect it to - in reverse.
What's really fun to do with this program is to decompile
ROM and RUN the program. The result of this should be the usual
message, "MAMMARY SIZE?" at the top of the screen, and the ab-
ility to run your own programs in a "BASIC on top of BASIC."
However, this is not the result; all too frequently, the ROM
decompiled will POKE into a forbidden memory location and cause
the computer to freeze up beyond recovery, even by the reset
button. Sometimes, even turning it off doesn't fix it, in which
case, you probably have a bad memory chip or CPU.
And this is not only the fate of a decompiled ROM; about half
22
Decompiler
of all the programs I've decompiled end up locking up all too
soon in the RUNning. But then there are those that don't lock
up....
The BASIC program is slow, inaccurate, and hardly ever the
same program as the original. In other words, I love it! I
tried playing my decompiled copy of "Offender," and I had all
too much time to decide on my next move.
Sure, it had disadvantages. But so what? I can't compose
The Messiah on my copy of Space-N-Vaders, I can't cause my
MDOS to fetch the morning paper, and I can't RUN a program
with DCMPIL. So who gives a farp? It's all the same, and it
doesn't make a draged bit of difference. █
23
BILL'S
OFFENDER: Level Headed Don't wory, it's OK
Model T machine lagsam of course
Below you, fifteen men stand on their heads because of
your stench. (Actually, because of the TRaSh-80's "#$%&in'
graphics, we had to represent them with a "!") You can move,
fire, hyperactivespace, go back on your word, and even fire
your weapon of weapons - the Stink Bomb, which destroys ev-
erything on the screen with you (sometimes including yourself!)
Six kinds of enemy ships, all with perfumed bodies, try
to desperately remove your stench. Sometimes, they fire floral
torpedoes, sometimes they mutate into Avon ladies, and some-
times, they even break up into six Honeybees, which all try
to swarm you.
Ah, but with a blast from your armpit laser cannon, you
wipe them all out. But what's this? Your last "!" has been
taken away by another "(A)"....Oh, no! Now you're going to
be "spaced-out" once the panet finishes exploding (uninhab-
ited planets do those sorts of things, you know.)! Will you
make it to the fifth Cleanliness Wave, or will you smell clean
forever more?
PRICE: TAG. You give us the bucks, and we deliver....
Bill's Joint
Not the same as "Williams"
1020 cutthroat row,
Harlem, NY 76543
(ask for a "green guitar")
24
THE DUKES OF M*A*S*H
I'll bet you were expecting a little parody/adventure story,
right? Well, you're wrong! It has no Adventure in it whatsoever.
This is actually a program put out by Aant Eater Software, in
which you have to overcome three dummy characters (Hawkeye,
Beau, and Roscoe) who know how to say only one like apiece.
Your character can be any other character out of either of
these two shows. You'll have the most power if you choose Boss
Logg, but then again, you'll also be the slowest.
Now, then, here's what you've all not been waiting for: a
simulation of the actual game!...
(Theme music comes on, a collage between "Just a Good Ol' Boys",
and "Suicide is Painless")
B.J.: Hey, Hawk! How ya doin'?
HAWKEYE: What are you, crazy? Don't you know there are people
dying out there?!?
BEEJ: Yeah, I know, Hawk. That's all you've ever told me!
TRAPPER: Yeah, and me too!
BEEJ: Hey! You're not supposed to be on the same shows with me!
TRAP: I wish you could say the same for little Microwave...
MICROWAVE: What did you say sirs that you just said?
BEEJ: Nevermind, just get the orders of the say from the head
doctor for the patients.
MICRO: Okay. Hawkeye Pierce, sir?
HAWKEYE: What are you, crazy? Don't you know there are people
dying out there?!?
MICRO: Okay, got it! I'm sure that'll cheer the patients up.
BEEJ: Knowing that people are dying is gonna cheer them up?
MICRO: No, knowing that Hawkeye hasn't regained his sanity
will, though. --Oh no, choppers!
25
The Dukes of M*A*S*H
KERNEL POTHEAD: What choppers? I don't hear anything!
BEEJ: ...I don't think it's choppers, Kernel —— look!
POTHEAD: Great Horny Toads! A commie car!
BEEJ: A what?
POTHEAD: Well, it's red, isn't it?
BEEJ: No, no, it's orange! You're getting to be like Frank.
FRANK: AAAAAAAH! Commies! Commies!
MICRO: What do you think they'll say to us, your kernelship?
POTHEAD: I think they'll say ——
BEAU: EEEEEEE-HAAA!
BEEJ: Funny, that's what I thought they'd say, too.
(The car screeches to a halt seven inches in front of the motley
crew, and a black-haired country boy climbs out a window.)
DUKE: Hi! I'm Duke, and this is my brother, Beau.
BEAU: EEEEEEE-HAAA!
BEEJ: Does he know how to say anything else?
DUKE: Yeah; sometimes he preceeds that mess with, "Let's do it!"
HAWK: What are you, crazy? Don't you know there are people
dying out there?!?
DUKE: What's his problem?
BEEJ: Monomania. He's crazy about mononucleosis.
POTHEAD: Look, you hootinannies, this here is a M*A*S*H unit,
so why don't you just skeedaddle, pronto.
DUKE: Well, whadayaknow! He speaks our language!
BEEJ: Oh yeah? Well, where are you from?
DUKE: Hazardous Country.
BEEJ: Well, then, what are you doing in Korea?
DUKE: KOREA!?! I knew we should've taken a left at the Alps!
(Suddenly, a police car drives up and does a 90-degree skid-
stop just four inches in front of Microwave)
MICRO: AAAH! Help, your Kerneldom!
KERNEL P: Say what, boy? I ain't goin' near that thing!
26
The Dukes of M*A*S*H
(The door opens, and a rather dumb-looking sherriff comes out)
ROSCOE: Freeze!
POTHEAD: Who is that?
DUKE: Don't worry. That's just Sherriff Roscoe M. Coalmine.
BEEJ: Is that so?!? Well, what are you doing here, Roscoe?
ROSCOE: Freeze!
BEEJ: What are you talking about? It's summer time!
MICRO: ...Oh oh, choppers!
BEEJ: Not quite...We're under attack!
FRANK: AAAAAAAH! Commies! Commies!
BEEJ: Funny, I didn't know Frank was a monomaniac, too.
POTHEAD: Wait a minute! Those aren't Communists!
BEEJ (With a look of "Oh, my God!" on his face): Oh, my God!
It's a flying saucer!!
POTTER: Not quite; it's a flying disk....
HAWK: What are you, crazy? Don't you know ——
BEEJ: There are people dying out there! I know! I know! Haven't
you figured out what's happening yet?!?
ALL: WE'RE UNDER ATTACK BY TRSDOS 87.4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
---------
Well, so sue me! This is a computing magazine, and that was
the only computerish ending I could think up!
27
TRaSh-80 HARDWEAR
MODEL VII TRaSh-80
Our plagiary advertizement last month really worked! Some
Goon-head sent in a completely assembled home-made femtocom-
puter, we took it from him, and now we have the Model VII!
Although it uses the improved Z-81 Femtoprocessing chip, it
is neither upward nor downward compatible with any model I
through VI. This is because the Z-81 chip uses an assembly
language which is totally alien to the Z-80, and which is
almost as totally alien to assembly language itself.
At first, the machine code-translation might look like
Pascal, but you'll soon find that it isn't. We call the lan-
guage, "Pythagoras," but you can call it anything that's at
a right-angle with this name.
PRICE: one trisection of an angle with just a compass and
straightedge.
INVADERS IN ROM
Now, you too can program your femtocomputer in world-famous
"Invader" programming language. This is the language that all
those arcade games use that's been kept a secret for so many
years. And you don't even have to load it in from disk! Just
turn it on, and you'll see the message, "SHIP SIZE?"
PRICE: the same as that of a Space Invaders machine
The TRaSh-80 Company
5746 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90028
Dial 1-(800)-555-DUMB
28
MARS ROVER ADVENTURE
A Mars rover is not a dog from the planet Mars, you dip!
It's a robot tracker that is used to relay information back to
good ol' Earth. They sent the first and last one up in 1982,
but since it was self-controlled, no one really got a chance
to "play" with it.
And so, hearing the anguished cries of the Martian millions,
Pinecone software developed an Adventure game that simulates
down to the last detail every action and encounter of the Mars
Rover. Actually, the term "Adventure" shouldn't really apply,
since the only obstacles the Rover has to overcome are big
rocks and deep canyons.
Pinecone software was determined not so much to make the
game fun as to make the game realistic. Pre-programmed onto
the disk or tape it comes with is a detailed map of the entire
surface of Mars, in machine-readable code, of course.
By now you're probably wondering how the program could load
in the Rover's map location each turn from tape, so I'll tell
ya.: the response time from each user-input is fixed at ten
minutes! This is not a case of bad programming; according to
Pinecone Software: "It takes five minutes for the radio signal
to reach Mars, and five minutes for the response to come back.
Hence, the ten-minute delay."
There isn't much you can really say about this program, ex-
cept that it's accurate. I'm really surprised that Pinecone
would market something like this, and not tell the author that
it should be submitted as an article. So, as a compensation,
I have printed up the first two lines of the program: █
┌───────────────────────────────┐
│ 4A00: CDC901 CALL 01C9H │
│ │
│ 4A03: 3E30 LD A,30H │
└───────────────────────────────┘
29
PINECONE SOFTWARE
MARS ROVER ADVENTURE: Level II 5642 K (tape or disk)
Models I, III, & V
In the Cosmos, there are BILLIONS and BILLIONS of stars.
And around one of these stars stands a lonely desert planet,
whose only inhabitant is a robotic rover from another planet,
closer to its star and inhabited by intelligent life. Do you
want to control this robotic "Mars Rover?" Well, it is very
intelligent; smart enough, in fact, to understand English
sentences. Oh, sure, it takes ten minutes to respond from your
command, but who the ---- cares?
PRICE: Just get a subscription to "Pinecone Monthly".
BASIC-ON-BASIC: Level II 32 K (tape or disk)
Model I thru V BASIC
The De-compiler comes through again! This fully debugged
BASIC version of BASIC will have your programs running slower
than ever! Our other big program this month, "Mars Rover Ad-
venture," is designed with this exact concept, written itself
in its own built in version of BASIC on top of BASIC. Try
getting both programs, and watch the delays run on into hours!
PRICE: Less than "Mars Rover Adventure" since it is already
a part of that program in case you didn't know, you twit.
Pinecone Software
1234 Any Street
No Man's Land, OH (AKA Toledo)
555-OAKS
30
NEWS FROM POKER TABKE SOFTWARE, INC.
As you are already aware, unless you were living on the moon
for the last four years, PTI is the leading distributor of im-
aginary software, such as the TMS-8F, AlbatrossDOS 1.1, and
FISHNet, not that FISHNet or the TMS-8F are software or any-
thing like that. The anonymous leader of PTI, Scott Nolan
Adama, has been raking in the money from the sale of zap pro-
grams that fix any one of the 2,000 intentional errors in Al-
batrossDOS 1.1, which has been pirated at a slower-than-average
rate.
Okay, now that I've plagiarized everything you know from
80-Microcomputing, I can get down to beezwax. Scot has recent-
ly announced the release of his "Oh, man!" program package,
which is a collection of a bunch of different programs, all
written by the same author, centered around the same subject,
and different only in title. The programs are:
MAGMA MAN: fight off creatures in a labyrinth with magma
MINE MAN: fight off creatures in a labyrinth with iron ore
MAZED MAN: fight off creatures in a labyrinth with little
shots that come from your arms
MOON MAN: play Goon Cresta, Lunar Lander, and Lunar Life-
saver.
PACK MAN: Go on a backpacking trip to mount Sidney
All of these programs display the simple message, "Ha! You
got ripped off!" at the beginning of the program, then lock
up. I guess Freud was right: it's the simple things that count! █
31
THE REAL-TIME CLOCK COMPANY
The real-time clock company, the company that brought you
so much pain and grief trying to use that internal time clock
as a stopwatch, announces its most accurate timekeeper ever:
"THE SWISS MOVEMENT I"
This little gem of a clock fits within half the space of
the TRaSh-80's old real-time clock, and is more accurate than
ever before. This is mostly because it's actually two differ-
ent clock components crammed into the same space, creating the
world-famous Swiss Movement combination of the present. It
combines the new, modern quartz vibrator system for digial
accuracy, along with the old 21-jewel spring-and-gear combina-
tion for analog accuracy.
The resulting clock can be put either in the TRaSh-80's
expansion interface, or worn around the users wrist if he
or she works at a zoo or train station. The resulting swiss
movement combination is so powerful that if the timekeeper
chip is shielded from a light source, it will cause a nearby
intelligent person to unknowingly insult the person next to
him.
The price...well, send for our catalog or call us. Along
with quartz-movement clocks, we also make limestone, basalt,
and sludge movement.
The Real-Time Clock Company
"We guarantee our clocks will be right at least twice a day"
12:15 Time Square
Watch Out, NE 10017
call "Time" for our number
32
REVOLT!
Way back in 1917, a little country called, "Russia" decided
to have its own internal Marxist revolution. The Red army de-
feated the White army, and the country soon became communist.
Today, a communist revolution is happening almost every
week. Communism seems to be an international fad that is sewwp-
ing the entire globe (The world, of course - not the little
globe in your history class). And so, because of this, a small
company called, "Roosky Software" devised a clever program that
will allow its user to start a communist revolution right in
his own home.
The program, called (guess what?) "Revolt," is a 16-K BASIC
program that sells for $29.95. The reason for this high price,
according to Roosky Software, is that "Since the useless laws
against program piracy have been repealed, we might as well
make some sort of profit off of the few original copies we sell."
The program starts off with a password-like system, which
instead says, "MAKE A SPEACH? _". The user then enters the 3
word "speach" (sic) which the program's author has insisted
remain undevulged in this article.
So, after typing in "MARX WAS RIGHT!" the program begins.
You start out with x number of soldiers, y number of weapons,
and z number of supplies. If anyone can decipher these numbers,
please tell me what they mean. After all, I'm interested in
finding out how the game works myself!
Actually, there's probably some code the x, y, and z are
in which is explained in the documentation. However, mine is
a pirated copy I took from a TRaSh-80 store, and I didn't
think I'd need to bother with documentation.
One final comment on this program: huh? █
33
ROOSKY SOFTWARE
Isn't it amazing that this advertizement comes right out
after an article about one of our products?! Actually, this
was the editors idea. He said, "Oh yeah, now I remember! They
want to put in an ad!" right after he put in the article and
read it over. By the way, "Revolt!" sells for only $29.95
(Moscow residents add 0% sales tax).
We have over thirty thousand programs in stock, including
eighteen versions of, "Vertical line," a nice little program
that comes straight out of the Level I manual. So send for
your Cadillog today!
-----------
Coming soon from Bad-Lode Software:
Goon Cresta for model I
Followers' Adventure
Another Another Star-Trak Game
Remember:
"You might not get a bad load from Bad-Lode...."
-----------
The Programmer's Guilt
Proudly
Renounces
"The Vial of Doom"
The greatest Adventure
ever written...
34
BLINKY, PINKY, INKY, AND CLYDE
A long time ago, in a land far, far away, a company named,
"Bally" decided to get into the video game scene, and created
their "Midway" division. This soon came out with "Space In-
vaders" and later, "Galaxian," a game which set the style for
arcade games to come.
In Galaxian, your rank was represented symbolically by lit-
tle flags in the lower right-hand corner. This was a good idea,
and they wanted to impliment it in another game. But what game
could they do?
Then, they remembered an old game of theirs called "Dodgem"
(AKA "Crash"). Why not make a more sophisticated version of
that? Let's see...four enemies instead of one...a complex maze
in which you do more than just change lanes...they drop pieces
of fruit instead of "X"es...and to top it off, you can eat
them, some of the time.
The result almost everyone is familiar with: Pac Dude. (In
case you're interested, Midway is a Japanese company, and "Pac"
is Japanese for "Eat.") For a few years, the only good TRaSh-
80 version of this game was "Scarf Dude" by the Cornhard dudes.
Then game "Goblin Attack" by Big Hive. So then, I thought to
myself, "Hey, BASIC isn't as slow as some people think! Why
don't I prove that to everyone!"
And so I did. I wrote "Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde,"
which is so close to Pac Dude that even the sounds are the same,
which is amazing since the program uses no USR or LPRINT
routines. The game's in high-resolution color, and does this
perfectly even without a high-res board or a crayon-kit color
mod. Yes, it fit's in 16 K, and yes, it's listed on the next
pages. And by the way, to telexineses objects by thought, you
35
Author's notes from 2014:
- Page 0: And by "disks" stacked end-to-end, I meant 5¼" floppy
disks. Unless you were one of those weirdos who used a TRS-80 Model II (or
Model 12, or Model 16), in which case they were 8" floppy disks. This was back
in the ancient times, when floppy disks actually flopped.
- Page 2: In going back and reading this after all these years, I suddenly
realized that Bill Hoague and Jeff L. Konyu, of Big Five Software fame, have
the same first names as the two male children in The Family Circus.
- Van Kratener was the fictional genius who figured out how to manipulate
hypercharge fields in Starfighter
.
- Back when this was written, the 213 area code was the only area code for
the entire greater Los Angeles area. Not even the 818 area code existed
yet.
- Page 3: RSM stood for Radio Shack Monitor. I think it was basically a more
powerful version of T-Bug. I'll be damned if I know exactly what it did,
because my TRS-80 didn't have a disk drive.
- Page 4: "Instantaneous Software" was a play on Instant Software, 80
Microcomputing's own software distribution company.
- Biff & Spudd Mutt really did write an adventure game named "Death
Dreadnought," which their ads claimed was "Rated R due to graphic descriptions
of violence." I played it and, frankly, nothing in it looked worse than PG.
Even when the space monster rubs you against itself and devours you by
osmosis.
- Every activity described in Disney Adventure is the plot of one of Disney's
live-action movies. The million dollars in gold eggs comes from Million
Dollar Duck, the last Applegate treasure comes from a Hardy Boys serial,
and the string of riddles comes from a movie involving a "Pook Lantern" which
shows not where you are going but where you have been (and for the life of me
I can't remember anything more about that movie — I know neither its
title, nor the proper spelling of "pook").
- A 16¼ K program was supposed to be a terribly frustrating thing,
because every Model I TRS-80 that lacked an Expansion Interface was limited to
exactly 16K of RAM.
- The spelling of page as "paige" was more than just silliness. Up at
ISOMATA in the summer of
1981, I met a girl named Paige whom I managed to get to first base with. Which
was a pretty major accomplishment for me.
- Page 5: "Goon Cresta" was a play on Moon Cresta, an arcade video game from
1980 which I absolutely loved. After I wrote this, I actually decided to
try and tackle writing Goon Cresta for the 16 K TRS-80 for real. I knew it
would have to be entirely in machine language, just like Big Five Software's
games were, but I wasn't worried — I now had the TRS-80 Editor/Assembler
and should thus theoretically be able to code anything. Or so I thought. When I
actually tried to tackle it, I balked. The complexity of doing an entire 16K
program in assembly language was just too much for me to hold in my head. What
I didn't understand at the time was that the assembly-language equivalent of a
BASIC variable was a memory location. Had I known, maybe I could have completed
Goon Cresta, and some big software publisher would have bought it, and
I'd be stuck writing game programs for a living. I guess I dodged a bullet
there.
- One thing I absolutely hated about Instant Software was their
penchant for selling software that wouldn't work on a bare-bones TRS-80. Nearly
everything they sold required an Expansion Interface at minimum, and many of
their titles required other after-market hardware add-ons. Hence my ranting
about Instantaneous Software refusing to sell Goon Cresta until it was amped
up to only work with color hardware and high-resolution graphics addons.
- "Curiosity killed the cat" was later used strategically in my
P.D.Q.-Bach-esque choral masterpiece, Gloreya in
Excelsis.
- Page 6: If you have a TRS-80 emulator, you can play Another Star-Trek
Game — spelled boldly with the "e" in Trek, the way God and Mike
Mayfield intended — by downloading the .cas file
here. Alternatively, you can also
play a modern .NET 4.0 adaptation by downloading
its .zip file and copying its
contents into any old local directory on your PC.
- I really did submit Another Star-Trak [sic] Game to 80
Microcomputing, as an article complete with program listing, an in-universe
setup for the premise, and a description of what this particular Trek game does
differently than all that other Trek-game rabble out there. I even sent them a
cassette they could load in so that they could see it in action for themselves.
It's a pity they took one look at it and said, "A Star Trek game? Good lord,
aren't there already 6.02 x 1023 of those out there?!"
without giving it a fair shake. I assume.
- Page 7: Frank and Moon Unit Zappa released the song "Valley Girl" in 1983,
which popularized Southern-California-esque speech. I wrote this issue of
80 Femtocomputing in 1981, pre-dating "Valley Girl" by nearly two years.
So there. Who's laughing now, Zappa!
- Actual TRS-80 diskettes were 5¼" floppies, single-sided,
double-density. They had a maximum theoretical capacity of 180 K per side; all
Radio Shack disk drives (which established the standard that everyone had to
adhere to) allowed access to a mere 160 K of this 180 K potential. So even if
you flipped the disk over, it could still only store a practical maximum of
320 K. There are two possible explanations for my mention of disks that held
1200 K of data: (1) I was prescient, and accurately predicted the invention of
high-density 5¼" floppies years before they actually came out; or (2)
I had no idea how much an actual TRS-80 disk could hold and was making it up.
Which was it? You decide!
- "CFS" stood for Computer Fantasy Simulation. Or Charles F. Stanley, who was
associated with Zork in some fashion. I don't actually remember what it was I
was referring to when I wrote this.
- At the time this was written, Scott Adams had only published 9 adventures.
What's amazing, though, was that in 1984 — the "distant future" year in
which this parody is set — the total count of all adventure games he'd
written was exactly 18! Nailed it! (Never mind that one of those was
exclusively for the TI-99/4A. I'm gonna count this as a win.)
- "Greg Hassock" was a play on Greg Hasset, another TRS-80 programmer who
published several text adventure games at about the same time as Scott Adams.
He had a profound influence on my Adventure-game-writing oevre, twice. First,
because of an article he wrote for Creative Computing titled "How to
Write an Adventure", from which I learned the basics of how to code an
adventure game in BASIC. Second, because of a review of an adventure of his
titled "World's Edge," which talked at length about how awesome it was and
mentioned that Greg was two years younger than me. I couldn't let that
challenge to my budding manhood stand unopposed. It gave me the impetus I
needed to tackle what I thought was impossible: Turning
The Vial of Doom into a
text adventure game.
- Page 8: I chose "SIMULA" because system filenames on a Level II TRS-80
were limited to 6 characters. I had no idea at the time that there really was a
programming language out there called Simula — which was, by most
accounts, the first object-oriented programming language evar.
- The Stringy Floppy was a high-speed (for its time), high-capacity
continuous-loop magnetic tape drive made by Exatron starting in 1979. Its data
transfer rate was claimed to be 14 KBPS, although Bill Fletcher describes it as
being merely "ten times" faster than cassette on the Model I. (Model I
cassettes loaded in at 250 BPS if you had a Level I ROM, or 500 BPS if you had
Level II ROM; TRS-80s didn't get the "high speed" 1500 BPS cassettes until the
Model III came along.) Despite its name, you couldn't actually access the files
stored on a Stringy Floppy as though it were a real floppy drive.
- Page 9: PRINT CHR$(34) displays the character whose code is 34 (in
decimal). In EBCDIC, this wouldn't render as "7", it would render as a "File
Separator" (FS) character, the equivalent of hexadecimal 1C (decimal 28) in
ASCII. On a TRS-80, PRINTing this character would move the cursor to the top
left corner of the screen. If you wanted an actual EBCDIC "7" character, you'd
have to PRINT CHR$(247).
- "Larry" probably referred to Larry Ashmun, the author of Invaders
Plus (perhaps the most well-known TRS-80 adaptation of Space Invaders).
"Scott" obviously referred to Scott Adams (not the Dilbert guy, the other
one).
- Page 10: "DOS minus" was a play on DOS Plus, one of the disk operating
systems competing with Tandy's TRSDOS.
- Page 11: The Z-80 had two machine instructions that ended in -IR: LDIR,
which copied a block of memory, and CPIR, which compared two blocks of memory.
Both of them had two-byte opcodes, the first byte of which was ED hex.
- "DEVICE" was a real command in TRSDOS. It listed all I/O Devices, which
were similar to the notion in Unix or MS-DOS of an arbitrary input stream or
output stream. Unfortunately, due to space limitations, no I/O devices were
ever hooked up, and by TRSDOS 3.3 the DEVICE command was dropped
completely.
- Speaking of DEF END, I actually wrote a piece of Defender (the arcade video
game) fanfiction in 1982. It was called
Every Fifth Attack Wave. It's
every bit, as, um, "exciting" as you'd expect a Defender fanfic to be.
- Page 13: "Space Warrior" was my 14th adventure game, which I eventually
retitled "Medieval Space Warrior." I even
turned it into a story in
1982. This game, and Another Star-Trek Game, and Interception,
can all be downloaded from my old TRS-80 apps
webpage. I never did get up the gumption to tackle Space-N-Vaders,
though.
- Page 15: Scott Adams' Adventure #2 was Pirate's Adventure. Adventure #11
was Savage Island Part II. Savage Island Part II had annoying puzzles like
having to type BREATHE OUT when you're exposed to vacuum or you explode.
- Asteroid belt mining in 1984 was clearly wishful thinking. But then, even
as late as age 15, I still had hopes of living on the lunar colony we were
obviously going to build there soon.
- Page 16: "goodness and niceness" comes from Get Smart. CONTROL was
the organization of goodness and niceness, while KAOS was the organization of
badness and evil.
- Page 18: Going back and reading this story again, it's rather disturbing
that I called Captain Tapedrive a super "hero." His only described action is
the attempted and, later, successful murder of an innocent disk drive, for the
hienous crime of being better at his job than Captain Tapedrive was.
- Page 19: The moral lesson of "always make backups" here was inspired by a
story in another TRS-80 magazine, about a guy who got more and more
high-density storage equipment and software until he could fit 60 disk's worth
of data onto merely 5 disks. ("Each so dense that he had to lift it with both
hands.") Tragically, during one of his bi-monthly disk swaps, it fell from his
hand and his daughter accidentally stepped on it. He now has 60 disks again
— the five needed for all his data, and 11 backups of each one.
- Page 20: "Arpha Products" was a play on Alpha Products, who used to
advertise in the pages of 80 Microcomputing. They sold hardware, and
one of their flagship products was the familiar joystick from the Atari 2600,
modified so that it could be plugged in to a TRS-80 in some manner. They also
sold green cellophane overlays for the video monitor which they referred to
as "green screens."
- "Hollyweird" came from my Driver's Ed. teacher. I was learning in the Los
Angeles area, and he regularly referred to "Westweird" and "Hollyweird." And
"pestedarians." He always said "pestedarians."
- Page 21: Yes, "frac" [sp] is the universal swear word from Battlestar
Galactica. No, that's not an anachronism. You kids today are too young to
remember the original, 1978 Battlestar Galactica TV series with Lorne
Green, which gave us not only "frack" but also "felger carb". And oddball units
like the "centon".
- Page 23: "Draged" was inspired by Leo Christopherson's Voyage of the
Valkyrie. One of the ten castles you had to attack in that game was named
Castle Drage. I've used "drageburgers" as a curse word more times than I can
count.
- Page 24: "lagsam" was a typo. I meant to type "langsam," the German word
for language. I didn't know at the time that German requires all nouns to be
capitalized, though, so even if I hadn't made that typo I still wouldn't've
capitalized it correctly.
- Representing the humanoids in Defender with "!", and the landers
with "A", was done by a real TRS-80 adaptation named "Alien Defense." It did
make their vertical movement kinda chunky.
- Page 25: "Aant Eater Software" was a play on
Aardvark Software, itinerant peddler of such software titles as Dungeons
of Death.
- The inspiration for "The Dukes of M*A*S*H" came from a song I heard on the
Dr. Demento radio show named "Stairway to Gilligan's Island" by Little Roger
and the Goosebumps. The song took the words of the Gilligan's Island
theme and sung them to the tune of Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven." I soon
discovered that I could take the words of the Dukes of Hazzard theme and
sing them to the tune of "Suicide is Painless" (the theme from M*A*S*H)
in precisely the same manner. Of course, that only worked for the verses; for
the chorus, I had to add: "'Cause they're the Dukes of M*A*S*H / They run
moonshine or hash / And you can take or leave them as you pleeeease...".
- Page 26: The misspelling of Colonel as "Kernel" was deliberate. Though at
the time I had yet to learn about operating system kernels, which would have
made the joke funnier.
- Officially, B.J. is correct about the color of the General Lee. It
was painted in Chrysler code EV2, which they called "Hemi Orange". But come on,
tell me that's not a shade of vermilion!
- Page 28: Surprisingly, no one has made a programming language named
"Pythagoras" yet. Considering that there are programming languages named
Eiffel, Ruby, Python, and Ada, can Pythagoras be far behind?
- 5746 Sunset Boulevard was the mailing address for damn near every TV show
produced in the Los Angeles area, at least while I was growing up. Especially
the game shows.
- Page 29: Since this article was written in 1981, several semiautonomous
rovers have been sent to Mars. NASA even has an online
Mars rover simulator,
but it appears not to work with Internet Explorer version 11. At least, not
for me.
- CALL 01C9H was a call into the CLS (CLear Screen) routine in TRS-80 Level
II ROM. A lot of machine language programs started with it. 4A00H was the
preferred address to start a machine language program at, if you were
planning to debug it with T-Bug. However, large programs needed every byte of
RAM they could get their hands on, and for them 4A00H was way too high an
address to start at. A more desirable starting address was 17129 (42E9H), the
start of BASIC program space.
- Page 30: My labelling of Toledo, OH as "no-man's land" was inspired by the
song "Saturday Night in Toledo, Ohio" by Randy Sparks (as sung by John Denver
on his An Evening with John Denver album). It includes such immortal
lines as "All through the day, how the hours rush by / You sit in the park and
you watch the grass die."
- Page 31: "Poker Table Software, Inc." was a play on "Kitchen Table
Software, Inc.", the 80-Microcomputing article that inspired the entire
80-Femto line. Kitchen Table Software, Inc., or "KTI", was a fictitious
software company made up by David Busch, which sold DrossDOS 1.0 and ran a
dial-up network called HAIRnet. Their software ran on the Sri Lankan version of
the TRS-80, called the TLS-8E. (Insulting to native Asian language speakers?
You bet!) The owner and operator of KTI wished for his identity to remain a
secret, so naturally the very next line of the article mentioned that his name
was Scott Nolan Hollerith.
- Magma Man, Mine Man, and Maze Man came from a dream I had. They were
super heroes — or super villains — who fought each other. Magma
Man was made out of molten lava, and could hurl molten lava at his foes; I
eventually wrote him up as a
Champions™ character. Mine Man was a beatnik who rode around in a
mine car; if he needed to attack you, he'd say "Cool!" and then start throwing
shards with each hand. Maze Man was the "hero" from the video arcade game
Berzerk; I called him "Mazed Man" here because somebody had already written an
adaptation of either Berzerk or Pac Man called "Maze Man" by the time I wrote
this.
- Although he's completely unrelated, my very first Champions™
character was named Moon Man.
- I didn't know it at the time, but apparently, there really is a place
called Mount
Sidney. It's only 1309 feet elevation, though, so there isn't going to be
a lot of climbing involved.
- Page 32: "So powerful that it will ... cause a nearby intelligent person
to unknowlingly insult the person next to him" came from a dream I had. It
involed a new computer, or digital watch, that would do this. Perhaps this
mysterious piece of digital hardware had a hidden Tourette's Ray.
- 12:15 played a crucial role in an episode of My Favorite Martian.
Bill Bixby noticed that Uncle Martin's tabletop timepiece was incorrectly set
to 12:00 when in fact the time was 12:15. When Bixby manually changed the
clock's setting, he discovered that it was a time machine, because it sent him
and Uncle Martin back to 1215 A.D..
- You kids these days probably don't remember, but back in the Olden Days,
there was actually a phone number called "Time." If you called it, a recorded
lady told you what time it was. Depending on who your phone company was, this
number was either 555-1212 or 767-2676. I can still hear her voice saying, "At
the tone, General Telephone time is ... one ... forty-six ... and fifty seconds
— <BEEP!>"
- Page 33: You'd think that if Roosky Software were so gung-ho about
communism, they wouldn't care so much about making a profit.
- Page 34: Followers' Adventure was a title I actually completed. A modern
Windows port is available on my TRS-80 Adventures
page. I don't think I ever intended to write Another Another
Star-Trek Game, though.
- Did I mention that I missed the deadline for getting The Vial of Doom
published by the Programmer's Guild by two days? Not that I'm bitter.
- Page 35: Not only was "Dodgem"/"Crash" a real game that really did serve
as the predecessor to Pac Man, a TRS-80 version of Dodgem eventually appeared.
It was called Tunnels of Fahad ... and it was almost entirely in Level II
BASIC. I can still remember my brother Tim asking me to modify it so that its
title screen displayed "TIMMY TUNNELS."
- Scarf Dude, by the Cornhard dudes, was a play on Scarfman, a real TRS-80
adaptation of Pac Man published by the Cornsoft Group. I don't think Big Five
Software ever made a game named anything like Goblin Attack.
- The tantalizing promise of the secrets of telekinesis at the end of the
final page was due to my teen-age obsession with it. I'd heard all these
stories about people with psychokinetic abilities, and darn it, having such
powers would have been awesome. I remember reading David St. Clair's
Lessons in Instant ESP (which, sadly, failed to produce any ESP, instant
or otherwise), and closing my eyes with my middle finger perched precariously
close to a small LEGO brick in the hope that my psychic energies would zap out
through my finger and move the brick. The brick DID move, but in retrospect I
think it was because my brother nudged it while my eyes were closed. I remember
having dreams in which, instead of me flying, I was making some heavy
object fly, like a VW microbus or a refrigerator. My birthday and Christmas
present wish lists always ended with "sex and telekinesis." Yes, telekinesis
was every bit as alluring to me as sex. And remember, I was a
teen-ager. Are you beginning to get an inkling as to how strong my
desire for telekinesis was? (Note: I have since figured out that all
claims of telekinetic powers are basically bupkis. So I no longer feel quite as
bad for not having any myself.)
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